It's a Very Retro Muppet Christmas

The Jim Henson Company, much like you and I, thinks that Christmas is keen. In fact, they've been thinking that for almost 50 years. In fact in fact, they have had such a crush on Christmas that they use the United States Postal Service to tell all their friends. And what better way than to include doodles of Muppets? If there is a better way, I haven't thought of it.

Below, you'll see 37 Christmas cards from Muppets Inc./The Jim Henson Company. Some of which are drawn by Jim himself, and some of which were used to promote specific productions. All of these images come courtesy of MikePop's blog. Enjoy!

Click here to discuss the true meaning of Christmas on the ToughPigs forum!

Countdowning to Christmas

The following was written while watching Elmo's Christmas Countdown. Many of my thoughts don't make sense, partly because they were written as train-of-thought and partly because I rarely make sense anyhow. Enjoy!

7:00 – All right, I’m all ready and set for the new Sesame Street Christmas special, Elmo’s Christmas Countdown. I’ve got a bowl of popcorn, a blanket to protect me from this December chill, and the laptop for journaling my experience of watching the special for the very first time. Um, maybe a buttery treat wasn’t such a great idea if I’m going to be typing. Ok, scratch the popcorn and let’s start the special!

7:03 – It’s no secret to people who know me that I can’t stand Ben Stiller. Something About Mary was the only movie I’ve ever walked out of in the theater. I’m going to try hard to not hate everything about Stiller the Elf off the bat. So, without having seen him so far for more than a minute, my only real gripe (so far) is that he’s funny looking. Like, in a bad way. He doesn’t have much of a Muppety look (maybe if they made him out of an Anything Muppet it would have worked better?). Though I do have to say, the lip-syncing is pretty good, considering how big this role is.

7:05 – Ooh, I love this pop-up book set! It sure is pretty. Not pretty enough to make me want to replace the old set, but damn pretty anyway. I hope they have it available on their website to print out so we can make our own Christmassy Sesame Street set.

7:07 – Oscar is great. Not that should be of any surprise to anyone. I like the reference to “I Hate Christmas” from Christmas Eve on Sesame Street.

7:10 – Here’s Oscar Winner Jennifer Hudson. If they’re going to have a whole song for all 10 blocks, they’d better hurry up so they can be done in time for… hmm, what’s on after this? “Duel”? Oh, take your time, Sesame Street.

7:12 – I swear, I’m trying to not loathe Stiller the Elf, but he’s not making it easy. I want to grab him by his fuzzy eyebrows and pull until I hear seams start to tear.

7:14 – Of COURSE Bert has a Celebratory Bowl of Oatmeal.

7:20 – “My little elfin buttox”. Did I hear that right? Did Stiller the Elf just make a butt reference? Can someone let me know so I know whether to increase my Ben Stiller vendetta or, um, edit this article?

7:21 – “I Want a Snuffleupagus for Christmas” is my new favorite Christmas song. Because it’s true.

7:23 – There’s something wrong with this Sopranos Bert-and-Ernie skit. Ah, I know. They’re not dropping enough F-bombs to make it believable. Also, Prairie Dawn is brilliant here. This is Fran Brill’s most entertaining performance since Merlin’s Assistant on The Jim Henson Hour (“Ta-Daaaa!”).

7:27 – I’m starting to think Ben Stiller was only chosen for this role because he’s a self-loathing Jew. Which I would assume most Elves are.

7:33 – I have no idea who this lady is. [During “Do You See What I See”] And as impressive as all these celebrities are, none of them are as satisfying as it would be if these roles were filled by Gordon, Bob, or Susan. And none of them will ever be as famous. Right?

7:36 – I’ve just been informed that she is Alicia Keys. And she has number 6. How convenient.

7:37 – Hey, it’s Oscar Winner Jamie Foxx as an action figure! I wonder if he ever thought he’d be made into an action figure back when he was best known for his role as “Wanda” on In Living Color.

7:43 – Boxes 4, 3, and 2 all at once? Well, that’s one way to make sure we finish this special on time.

7:44 – Did.. did Charles Blitzen just make a fart joke? Again, can someone verify that for me?

7:45 – The Count, a new Sesame TV parody, and Ty Pennington running around like a lunatic? This might be my favorite part of the whole special.

7:47 – There’s something about Muppets wearing hats that I absolutely adore. And Grover’s Christmas top hat is no exception.

7:49 – “I believe in Christmas miracles!” So, Stiller the Elf hasn’t believed in Christmas miracles this whole time? Being an elf, doesn’t that make him a Christmas Miracle himself?

7:50 – I heard a rumor that Cookie Monster doesn’t eat cookies anymore. He just eats ALL OF CHRISTMAS IN ONE BITE! Oh, and vegetables.

7:56 – “I believe! I believe! I believe!” Yikes, Sesame Street is trying to convert me.

7:56 – Kevin James makes easily one of the worst Santas ever. But for some reason, I love it.

7:58 – “Actually, I was going to say ‘Peace Out’…” Forget what I said.

7:59 – Ah, the annual Hanukkah/Kwanzaa mention. And it was said by a talking snowball. Oh well, we can’t all be the Pee-wee’s Playhouse Christmas Special.

Here’s some very brief final thoughts in an already too-long article. The Countdown was a clever way to cram some new songs and sketches into the special, all of which were pretty fun in their own rights. The overall story with the Elf and a very passive Elmo were pretty weak. Plus, it left me with some unanswered questions. Like, why did the Elf think that Oscar would have the most Christmas spirit? And what does it mean that Christmas Almost Didn’t Happen? And who the hell thought it’d be a good idea to give Ben Stiller his own Muppet? These questions may never get answered, much like my questions about how candy canes are made.

Click here to open a Snuffleupagus-sized box on the ToughPigs forum!

Green and Red and Yule All Over

Guess who's nominated for a Grammy? If you guessed "the Muppets," you're correct! (If you guessed "Amy Winehouse," you're also correct, but that's not who I'm going to write about, at least not today.) Last year's album A Green and Red Christmas was nominated for Best Musical Album for Children. Now, this CD came out way back in October of 2006... so what better time to review it than December 2007? So join me, won't you, as I make some hot chocolate and listen to this year's only Grammy nominee that features a song by a prawn.

First of all, I just want to say I like the album art. It's simple -- just a few photos of a few Muppets on plain white or green backgrounds -- but they look to be new pictures, which is nice. Kermit doesn't appear flat-faced, and Miss Piggy's lookin' pretty hot. So that tells you that somebody, somewhere at Muppet Studios cared about this project. According to the CD insert, the Muppet performers here are Bill Barretta, Dave Goelz, Louise Gold, Eric Jacobson, Jerry Nelson, Karen Prell, Mike Quinn, David Rudman, and Steve Whitmire. Can that possibly be true? I know Jerry still shows up when he can, but doesn't Louise Gold live in England? So I'm just going to ignore that, and assume it's an error on the part of Sid, the harried Disney intern.

But there's no time to dwell on that, because here comes track one: "'Zat You, Santa Claus?" They don't waste any time here -- there's no introduction, no opening skit with Kermit and the gang... They jump right in with this song, which, to my surprise, has a lead vocal by Bobo!

Wait...no. It's not Bobo. According to the track listing, it's "Electric Mayhem Band" (I thought they were "Dr. Teeth and the Electric Mayhem," but whatever.) Well, this is a cool, jazzy little number. I like the fact that it features saxophone, which means Zoot is in there somewhere. I can just picture him playing... but I can't picture Dr. Teeth singing this, because Bill Baretta's Dr. Teeth voice really does sound just like a slightly hipper Bobo. I guess this is the most we've heard from Teeth in the post-Jim Henson era, and I just can't get into it.

Maybe if this were a musical number on a TV special it would work; if we could see Teeth singing the song it would be more convincing. The song's kinda weird too. Dr. Teeth is all freaked out because he hears noises and suspects that someone's trying to get into his house. For your sake, Doc, I hope zat's Santa Claus, 'cause if it's not, I don't think those long, saggy arms of yours are going to do much good for fighting off a prowler.

The next track is called "A Red and Green Christmas". Now that's just confusing, because the name of the album is A Green and Red Christmas. I mean, come on -- when Prince released the song "Diamonds and Pearls," did he call the album "Pearls and Diamonds?" No, sir, he did not, and nobody got confused, which just proves that the Muppets should always seek to emulate Prince in all matters.

Anyway, the song starts off with Piggy asserting that red is the color of Christmas. Eric Jacobson's Piggy is fantastic, by the way. I don't know if there are still any Muppet fans who haven't accepted Eric as "the" Piggy performer, but his falsetto on this track is as beautiful as anything that ever emanated from Frank Oz's bald head. So Kermit insists that green is the color of Christmas, because of trees and wreaths and candied pears... candied pears? I never got one of those in my stocking, but they sound kinda gross. Anyway, this is a pretty song. It isn't particularly funny, but hey, that's okay. Sometimes the Muppets can be sincere. Kermit and Piggy continue to debate which color is the color of Christmas, until it's finally resolved when they -- WAIT A MINUTE, WHAT AM I DOING? I CAN'T SPOIL THE ENDING!

What's next? "I love to play those old-time Christmas songs at The Christmas Party Sing-Along!" It's a song about hangin' out singin' Christmas songs, and if you're a Christmas carol geek you'll love the references. Is is just me, or have the Muppets, over the years, done a lot of songs about singing songs? It certainly seems to be one of their favorite subjects, kinda like how Mariah Carey's favorite subject is the word "Baby."

Remember how I said Bill Barretta's Dr. Teeth sounded like Bobo? Bill Barretta's Rowlf sounds even more like him. In fact, they could have almost given this song to the bear, except that the jokey nature of it is more befitting to Rowlf. ("We want our wassail and our figgy pudding/If we ever find out what they are") This is a fun, swingy track, and so far it's the second out of three that were composed especially for this CD. "You know," says Rowlf, "I've heard of sing-alongs, but I've never sung with ding-a-lings!" Not bad.

The next track begins: "Here's a Christmas song for Jew girls, okay?" Well, Pepe, it's awfully nice of you to consider the Jewish Muppet fans when you're doing a Christmas album, so as not to -- oh. He said "you girls," with the Spanish accent and everything. Nevermind. So yeah, "Merry Christmas Baby" is a Pepe spotlight. Man, Bill's all over this CD like fuzz on a frog.

I can't really understand all of Pepe's lyrics, but the song is snazzy... He seems to be singing about how cool he is, and how he's totally gonna score with a bunch of chicks. Oh, and it's Christmas time. It's credited to M. Love & B. Wilson... Does that mean this is a Beach Boys song? That's weird. "Santa came down the chimney, half past three, with lots of little presents for my baaabies and me!" Dude, Pepe's singing his little crustacean heart out here. This is full of energy, and it's my favorite track so far. Incidentally, it's also the first track sung by a character with his original performer. Whoa, check out that high note at the end!

"This goes out to Kris Kringle! He's one jolly dude!" Next we have Floyd, Animal and Zoot doing "The Man with the Bag," yet another song I've never heard before. This is the first song by Floyd since "Wild Thing" on Kermit Unpigged in 1993, and according to Muppet Wiki, he's performed here by John Kennedy. It's a decent Floyd -- he gets the "hah-hah-hah" laugh just about right -- but it's still tough to get used to. Zoot, Floyd, and Dr. Teeth all get solos to play here, and when Animal goes nuts during his, Zoot says, "Animal, take your tablets." Nice. (Zoot, by the way, is still Dave Goelz.)

Hey, you know what would be cool? If we could actually see them playing their instruments. I mean, you know, not actually playing their instruments, but playing them the way Muppets do. As fun as it is to hear Animal grunting and growling, it would be fun to see the flailing that goes along with it. But I should say: they chose some really catchy songs, and good on them for resisting the temptation to go with a bunch of Christmas standards everyone's heard a million times before (and which the Muppets themselves have done thirty thousand times before).

"Okay, Miss Fatback's on!" says Floyd, which is a very in-character introduction to Miss Piggy's rendition of "Santa Baby." Piggy's done this song before, in It's A Very Merry Muppet Christmas Movie, but Eric's performance here tops his earlier attempt. It doesn't change the fact that this is a pretty weird song, though. Also, Piggy asks Santa for a sable, by which I'm sure she means a sable-fur coat... but the way things go in the Muppet world, I have a feeling she's more likely to receive a live Muppet sable who does card tricks and plays the accordian.

Ah, Christmas... "It's the Most Wonderful Time of Year." That's Gonzo's position, anyway... but Rizzo's not convinced, so it's up to Gonzo to persuade him in this free-wheeling track featuring the ol' Dave Goelz/Steve Whitmire magic. This one zips by in no time, and rivals "Merry Christmas Baby" as my favorite. By the end, I'm utterly convinced that it is the most wonderful time of the year... way better than the vernal equinox. Vernal equinox sucks.

Hey, what's up with that line about "scary ghost stories"? Does anyone tell scary ghost stories on Christmas? Is that maybe a reference to A Christmas Carol? I have no idea, but there's no time to dwell on it because a wacky fanfare and a intro from Kermit signals that the time has come for...

"North Pole Comedy Club," starring Fozzie Bear. He sings, he tells bad jokes, then he sings some more and tells worse jokes. This is another original composition (unsurprisingly), with some authentic Fozzie-style jokes ("Do you know where Santa stays when he's on the road? At a ho-ho-hotel!"), and a cameo by Statler and Waldorf (played by Steve and Dave, naturally). We can hear the the audience reacting, which is fun... I'm wondering if they let some of the recording studio crew provide the groans of the crowd.

Whoever was the big cheese in charge of this album obviously cared quite a bit about letting the main characters just be themselves. Still, this is another track that would have fit nicely into some kind of continuity to make the album a cohesive whole instead of a collection of individual songs. Like maybe, this is the part where everyone gathers round to see Fozzie do the act he's been working on since last Boxing Day.

"Run, Run Rudolph" begins with a funky synth organ riff played by Dr. Teeth (or is it Bobo again?) that makes me want to get up and dance, even though I never, ever, ever dance. The arrangements and backing tracks on this album are top-notch, which is a good sign. At least it indicates Disney was willing to spend enough money on this project so it wouldn't just be twelve tracks of Kermit and Piggy singing "Christmas Is Coming, the Goose Is Getting Fat" to the accompaniment of kazoos and armpit noises.

This Rudolph song always makes me think of that frantic running-to-the-airport scene in Home Alone. Hey, I have a great idea! Let's cast Home Alone with Muppets! Okay... Robin would be Macaulay Culkin, and of course Fozzie would have to be Daniel Stern...

Which classic Christmas song is next? Oh, of course, it's that timeless favorite "Christmas Smorgasbord." Who's playing the Swedish Chef on this track? I was going to guess Steve Whitmire, but Muppet Wiki reports that it's Bill Barretta, so I'm really not sure. Pretty much everyone has taken a turn with the Chef since 1990... he's like the town bicycle! OHHH, SNAP!

Of course it would be insane* to give the Swedish Chef an entire song to sing, so here we have a chorus of square-sounding singers, playing it straight as they describe the Chef's plans for Christmas dinner. It's funny, and the Chef is in fine form with his "voonder shmirnees" and such but it goes on too long. As far as I can tell, they're just repeating the same verses and choruses... a little Chef goes a long way, I suppose. A little Chef? Say, why didn't Muppet Babies ever feature a Baby Chef?

Next, "The Christmas Queen." More square singers, but now they're backing up Miss Piggy. She's the Christmas queen at the Christmas show, you see. "She may be off-key but she's sturdily built!" they boast. This is a good concept. I like when Piggy is regarded as the star of the show... and yet, they keep pointing out her flaws, until she gets mad enough to threaten their lives. You know what would have been funnier? If the entire song had been about how graceful and beautiful she is, while she's tripping over her dress, and her angel wings are catching fire and things like that. But to quote Kermit on the original Muppet Show album, "somehow that just doesn't make it on a record."

There's only one more track left, and boy, I can't say anything bad about a simple but sincere rendition of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" sung by Kermit. A lot of singers cover this song, and I don't always believe that they want me, personally, to have myself a merry little Christmas, but with Kermit I don't doubt it for a second.

"Through the years we all will be together, if the fates allow," he sings. We've been celebrating Christmas with the Muppets through a lot of years, haven't we? He ends with a "Merry Christmas, everyone," which is very nice of him, but what else would you expect from Kermit? And so the CD comes to a close. It would have been nice to end with a group song by all the Muppets together, but I'll take what I can get.

Actually -- and I hate to repeat myself, but I will anyway -- this whole thing really would have been more fun if there had been something tying it all together... some of the tracks end with segues into the next tracks, but for the most part it's just a bunch of songs, and I'm guessing they never had more than three Muppet performers in the studio at the same time.

They could have turned it into a "Christmas at the Muppet Theater," with some kind of backstage banter and maybe even a simple storyline to make the whole thing more cohesive. Like maybe the Muppets are doing a special Christmas show, and their guest star hasn't shown up yet, so they have to entertain the crowd until he shows up, and it turns out that the reason he hadn't shown up yet is that he's really Santa. That wouldn't have been hard to do. I think it also would have increased this album's appeal to children, whom the Grammys consider to be the target audience. Because I'm not sure children really know who all these Muppets are.

Even better than that? If this CD were actually a soundtrack to a brand-new Muppet TV special I just described. I think that would have helped with the fact that this is our first extended exposure to the new Dr. Teeth and the new Floyd... If we could hear the voices coming out of the puppets' mouths, then we could say, "Oh, it's Floyd!" instead of, "Oh, it's a voice on a CD which they're telling us is Floyd." As it is, it feels very close to being the Muppets, but it's not 100% the Muppets.

It's a good effort. The music is good, the performers are great. They just need some good old-fashioned Muppet material to work with. But as stocking stuffers go, this CD is about 500 times better than a candy cane or an apple, and so much better than underwear that it's off the charts. And you can get it for about 10 bucks, so there's no reason not to buy it, really.

Enjoy your Christmas smorgasbord, everyone!

Click here to discuss this article and share some holiday cheer on the Tough Pigs forum!

*or possibly brilliant?

Apes Got Badges

Do you like cop shows? Do you like apes? Do you like puppets? Well, of course you like puppets, you're reading a Muppet fan site. But if you like those other things too, you may be interested to know of the existence of SUDS, the upcoming web series from Henson Alternative. SUDS, by the way, stands for Simian Undercover Detective Squad, which pretty much tells you all you need to know about the premise.

The series will be premiering on Film.com in 2008, and they've put up a teaser trailer to whet our appetite for talking primates. If you also count "wacky sound effects" as something you like, you're gonna love this:




Personally, I've found Henson Alternative's offerings thus far to be pretty flawed, but this one shows promise... after all, if Bear on Patrol worked, why not apes incognito?

Click here to talk about SUDS on the Tough Pigs forum!

Feliz Navi-Bob

Over the past year, Sesame Workshop has been very kind to us, providing us with oodles of classic Sesame Street DVDs which remind us of simpler times before Oscar was green, before Cookie Monster had a neck, and when Bob wore shirts that could now be used as road flares.

It's almost amazing that the now 74-year-old Bob is still hanging out with the monsters and kids and monster-kids on that inner city street. You'll be happy to hear that not only is he sticking around, he's not planning on slowing down any time soon.

Bob has recorded at least 10 albums over the past 37 years, and his newest album #11 is Christmas Sing Along, filled with, you guessed it, Christmas songs. Now, as an uneducated Jewish boy, I was admittedly a little hesitant in buying this album. I can count the number of Christmas-related albums I've bought on one finger (that'd be Muppet Christmas Carol, for those of you keeping score). Growing up, we felt like we heard the same three Christmas songs over and over, and somehow we still never learned the words to them (seriously, a verse about figgy pudding? You're making that up...) And while Bob's new CD might not have much of a re-listenability factor for year-round enjoyment, he did make one heck of an album.

The very first thing I noticed about the album is that Bob has a wonderful wonderful voice. It's smooth and light, confident and positive, yet devoid of arrogance. And considering Bob is pushing 3/4 of a century, he still sounds just as he did back in the 70s. If I didn't know better, I'd assume that this was a reissued album, found in a time capsule left to us by the ToughPigs of yesteryear.

Likewise, his backup band is terrific. The only name I recognize in the liner notes is Blue Lou Marini, from the Saturday Night Live Band and the Blues Brothers Band, but they all do a terrific job when you stop to listen. There's no MIDI files here, folks. I can definitely hear some jazz influence in the background of about half of the songs, giving parents a little something to appreciate in case your kids insist on listening to this album over and over and over. Which they might.

While many of the songs are pretty straight-forward Christmas carols, my favorite by far is the novelty song, "What a Great Christmas It Was," which tells the story about Santa accidentally switching presents. So Grandma gets a yo-yo, the dog gets underwear, and Dad becomes a cross dresser. Um, you just have to hear the song. It's greatness songified.

Also included on this album is the Sesame Street classic, "Keep Christmas With You." And while it's not the same without Linda signing the lyrics, it's still nice to hear a new version.

Back on December 7, I was lucky enough to see Bob perform at a Barnes and Noble in promotion of the new CD. Being the technologically devoid person I am, I bought a disposable camera (which still has like 20 pictures left on it.. sorry, you won't be seeing those for a while) and I took some video footage with my cell phone. It's only 14 seconds, and there's a kid screaming behind me, and the quality is like I'm shooting in an underwater smoking lounge... y'know what, I just suck as a cameraman. Enjoy the video of Bob singing "Keep Christmas With You," and if you like Christmas, go buy this CD. You won't regret it.

Click here to discuss Seven Swans A-Swimming on the ToughPigs forum!

27 Things to Do During "When Love Is Gone"

Christmas is rapidly approaching, and that can only mean one thing: It's time to blow the dust off your copy of The Muppet Christmas Carol and sit down to enjoy a lovely adaptation of a classic work of literature, presented exactly the way author Charles Dickens envisioned it. Christmas Carol is a warm, funny, pleasant film with a lot to recommend it, but there is one major problem with it, and that problem is called "When Love Is Gone."

There's a scientific theory that states that every musical has to have one Boring Song. The Boring Song is a slow number, usually about some dull subject like love, during which the kids in the audience start fidgeting and the grown-ups' attention starts drifting to more interesting thoughts, like 5.99% fixed APR financing. In Guys and Dolls, it's "I've Never Been in Love Before," in the film version of Grease it's "Hopelessly Devoted to You," and so on, and in Christmas Carol it most definitely is "When Love Is Gone." The whole movie grinds to a screeching halt as Belle, a character we don't know very well, stares into space and sings about how she and Scrooge used to be in love but now they're not and boo hoo hoo. Oh, and there are no Muppets onscreen for the duration of the song, which lasts about 4 minutes.*

But hey, the good news is, you don't have to sit through it. With that in mind, I hereby present 27 Things to Do During "When Love Is Gone."

-Make two two-minute eggs.

-See if you can drink hot chocolate through your nose.

-Build a snowman in your living room.

-Draw on your TV screen so it looks like Belle has a goatee and antlers.

-Pick your nose.

-Darn your socks.

-Learn to juggle.

-Stand on your head and say, "Belle! Whut in tarnation are you doin' hangin' from the ceiling?"

-Balance your checkbook.

-Balance your checkbook on your nose.

-Try to name all the Muppet Show guest stars in alphabetical order by middle name.

-Grow a moustache.

-Flip through your copy of the original Charles Dickens Christmas Carol until you find the page where Bob Cratchit goes ice-skating with penguins.

-Give yourself a tattoo of Michael Caine.

-Catch up on the Tough Pigs forum.

-Read the "linoleum" article on Muppet Wiki.

-Browse the IMDb message board for Muppet Christmas Carol, which includes this thought-provoking inquiry: "You know how in the original story of A Christmas Carol, there is only the ghost of Jacob Marley and he doesn't have a brother? Obviously, they altered this for the movie in order to have Statler and Waldorf in the role. What I just noticed is the name that they give the new character... Robert Marley, which was also the full name of singer Bob Marley. I wonder if it's just a coincidence or if the filmmakers did it on purpose?"

-Leave your own review on IMBb, in which you explore the deep socio-political metaphors inherent in the "light the lamp, not the rat!" scene.

-Practice your moose call.

-Mentor a child.

-Mentor a moose.

-Read the back of the DVD case out loud in the manner of a lucha libre wrestling announcer.

-Put some hydrogen peroxide on that before it gets infected.

-Mute the TV and make up dirty lyrics to the song, and sing them in a piercing falsetto (if you can't do piercing falsetto, try a Mortimer Snerd voice.)

-Go to eBay and place a $538 bid on this "UGLY Christmas sweater small w/REAL JINGLE BELLS"

-Clean the octopus tank. (Applies to octopus owners only.)

-Read Danny and Kynan's My Week with The Muppet Christmas Carol article from a few years back.

-Have a contest with your friends: As the scene goes on, bellow the word "BOOO-RING!" and see who can go the loudest and draw it out the longest. The winner gets to sing a duet with Michael Caine.

There you have it. Try any of these suggestions, or ALL of them, and the song will be over before you know it. Merry Christmas!

*It's interesting to note that, as it's explained on Muppet Wiki, the song was cut for the American theatrical release of the film. It was later restored for home video. Why? Only Brian Henson and the Ghost of Christmas Past can say.

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ToughPigsRyan@yahoo.com

SesameTube

Writer’s note: Instead of providing my customary Muppet Wiki links to characters and skits, I encourage you to go to the new Sesame Workshop video site and search for the key words yourself. Trust me, you’ll thank me tomorrow.

The future is now!

Well, the definition of future states that it’s not really now. It’s like, a week from next Thursday, but you get the idea.

Sesame Workshop has decided to give us an early Christmas present and provide us with hundreds of classic Sesame Street clips on their new video website. My first reaction to this news was “Hubba wha? HOOHAH! Shabadooyeah!” Ok, so it may not be the most coherent thing I’ve ever said, but it definitely expresses my sentiment of the moment accurately.

The second thing I did was to try and think of what clips to search for. Unfortunately, this is where I drew a blank. That’s like trying to choose just one of any 31 flavors of ice cream. Rome was not YouTube’d in a day, you know. Thankfully, the site is equipped with a handy toolbar at the top for indecisive chaps like me. I watched the Incredible Shrinking Cookie Monster, I saw Ernie write an Ode to Bert, and I watched Grover embarrass himself. Repeatedly.

A quick tally of some of the more popular characters resulted in 134 Grover videos, 105 Cookie Monster videos, 97 with Ernie and Bert (144 with at least Ernie, 109 with at least Bert), 66 Elmo videos, 56 with The Count (56 glorious videos! Ah ah ah!), 47 for Telly, 40 Prairie Dawn videos, 38 with Kermit, 37 for Zoe, 33 Big Bird videos, and 14 Guy Smiley videos.

That, in case you weren’t counting, is a whole lotta videos.

I also did some tallying of characters who I expected to find, yet didn’t come up with many results. Gordon came up with 10 videos, but all of them were Trash Gordon. Not that I’m complaining, but I would have liked to see more Sesame humans in these videos. The Two-Headed Monster has 6 videos, which makes 3 for each head. Snuffy appears in 5 videos, although “Snuffleupagus” doesn’t warrant any results. “Lefty” doesn’t have any results, but a search for “Salesman” shows 5 of his appearances. Forgetful Jones clocked in with 4 videos, I think. I don’t recall. See what I did there? John-John only has two videos, though one of them is where he counts a penny with Grover, so I can’t fault them for that. And there aren’t any results for more obscure characters like S.A.M. the Robot, Don Music, Roosevelt Franklin, or Captain Vegetable.

Speaking of a few of those that haven’t yet been immortalized in video form on this site yet, I wonder if Sesame Workshop is deliberately avoiding characters that have been discontinued because of imitatable behavior or negative images. I would say it depends on whether or not their intention for this site is to show nostalgic videos for adults or to have a new outlet for educating the preschoolers of the digital age. If it’s the former, then they should definitely include these missing clips, if only for historical purposes. If it’s the latter, then maybe they’ll avoid posting the now infamous Not-Appropriate-For-Kids disclaimer everyone’s been in such a huff over.

One other thing I’d like to see is more search options. What if someone wants to see celebrity appearances? Or Muppet and Kid Moments? Or how about TV and film parodies? They’re hard to find unless you know exactly what you’re looking for or if you stumble across it. For example, I just stumbled across the Pearl Jam parody, “Don’t Waste The Water” by Fur Jam. It has no known characters and doesn’t have any unique search terms, which makes it nigh impossible to find.

Another thing that amazes me is the quality of the videos. They’re crystal clear, almost DVD quality. And if you’re on a slower connection, the quality goes down slightly so you can still view the video without any hiccups. I don’t know how they do that, but I’m not one to look Buster the Horse in the mouth. (This is where I do a search for Buster, and see two videos with him! Thank you, Internets!)

Of course, any gripes I may have will (hopefully) be fixed soon. The website is still in beta, so anything is possible. I’m also holding out hope for thousands of Street scenes, Hey Cow I See You Now, and the original 1975 clip of Fur.

I’m still amazed that something like this exists. Sesame Workshop is doing a great job at catering toward their older fanbase, which is great because that’s me. Um, and you. But mostly me. I can’t wait to see what this site will look like after it’s out of beta testing. Though even if it’s the same as it is now, it’s exactly what I would have asked Santa to bring me this Christmas.

In case you missed the link at the top of the page, you can view the videos at http://video.sesameworkshop.org.

Click here to watch this article in Living Color on the ToughPigs forum!