Do Doo Do Doo Who?

What is this ugly thing? It's furry like a Muppet. It's got big wacky eyes, ears, nose and teeth like a Muppet. It smells like a Muppet. Oh yeah, and it sounds like a Muppet.

Allow me to introduce you to the Monster Maniacs. The name doesn't lie, they're monsters and they're quite manic. They come from our good friends at Kmart who have successfully amalgamated the cuteness of a Muppet monster, the collectability of the Furbee, the pizzazz of a singing hamster, and the hair of a troll doll.

"But ToughPigs Joe," you ask, "Why are you doing a commercial for Kmart on a Muppet web site?" Well I'll tell you, ominous voice. These furry creatures sing "Mahna Mahna" (the song) and sound pretty durned close to Mahna Mahna (the character).

I had to press the little button on the toy's foot a couple dozen times until I could guarantee that it isn't Jim Henson's voice, stolen and encapsulated inside a fur-covered hunk of plastic. What I mean is, it sounds just like Jim. But it 'aint Jim. But it sounds like him.

He sings the song, he does a little dance, he lights up. This guy does everything except cook you breakfast.

Kmart has been cranking these bad boys out over the past year or two. They made them for Christmas, Halloween, Valentines Day, and maybe even Gorilla Suit Appreciation Day. My own Valentines Day Monster may be a little pink for my motif, but I do enjoy the fact that I can squeeze his tootsie and hear Manha Manha whenever I want. Or at least the next best thing.

My suggestion: go to YouTube.com and type in "Mahna Mahna," sift through the hundreds of people who thought they were the first to upload a video of the Muppet version, and you'll find a horde of videos of different styles of Monster Maniacs doing their very best Jim Henson imitation.

And if you find yourself at the local Kmart, you can pick one up for just $9.99. Or you can press the button on every single one on the shelf and run away.

Ugly little critters, aren't they?

Good Times. Good Times.

So what do Sesame Street and Flatpoint, New Jersey have in common? They both play host to a filthy crack whore.

Okay, admittedly I probably could have come up with a better way to start the article. But since the filthy whore in question is Amy Sedaris, you get the feeling that's how she'd want it. Amy, of course, is best known for her role as Jerri Blank on the TV show Strangers With Candy but she's also familiar to Sesame fans as Snow White from an episode this past season, where she suffers a nervous breakdown in front of Elmo over the state of her dwarves.



I'm a big fan of Ms. Sedaris and I know a lot of people who are as well, so it'll be cool to be able to get that episode now that it's part of the creatively titled Sesame Street TV Episode Fun Pack Volume 2. This volume is noteable because it also contains the at-the-time controversial episode "Abby Cadabby Moves To Sesame Street". So this set will feature two girls who know how to raise a stink.

Each Pack of Fun (Volumes 1 and 2) contains two or three DVDs, with individual discs featuring a full episode of the show (from recent seasons) and available at Wal-Mart and on Sesame Workshop's online store. Available May 6th for $27, or go around to the alley out back and ask Julio for the good stuff. He'll know what you mean.

The Life of a Gordon

Way back in June, 2006, Roscoe Orman, the third and favorite Gordon, released his memoirs in book form. Sesame Street Dad: Evolution of an Actor was put onto shelves, a tour was scheduled, and Roscoe read a few pages and signed a few books around the country. Several months later, the Muppet fans found out that the book existed.

I can't say that's the best form of publicity, but maybe we're to blame. We did disappear for about a year.

First off, let me say thank you to Mr. Orman. There's only so many people who have been working with or around Muppets for 30 years or more and I know they've all got stories to tell. If I had a magic genie who granted me three wishes, the second or third one would definitely be to have each of the Muppeteers, actors, and crew members publish an autobiography. We were lucky enough to get books by Caroll Spinney and Kevin Clash in the last few years, and now Roscoe is letting his story be known. I can only hope that some of the other folks who've been around are currently toiling away at their typewriters as we speak.

Anywho, I grabbed the book at my local book conglomerate and I read the heck outta that thing. To be honest, it wasn't exactly what I expected. I'd re-read Caroll Spinney's book, The Wisdom of Big Bird, recently and I automatically thought that this would be a book about Roscoe's experience on Sesame Street, laced with life lessons and nostalgia. On the contrary, the book is a chronicle of Roscoe's career in which he took part in New York's black theater scene throughout the 1960s. His stories of what he accomplished before becoming a household name are quite exciting and he really makes us root for him the entire time, which isn't hard since we already think of him as Gordon, trying to make his way to Sesame Street.

Actually, it isn't until page 86 when he talks about his audition for Sesame. In his audition, he writes about having to interact with Oscar (in which he delivered his lines to Caroll Spinney instead of the puppet) and everyone's favorite counting child, John-John. Throughout the following 100+ pages, Roscoe talks about his experiences on Sesame Street, including his connection with Loretta Long, getting to meet several First Ladies, and being able to work with his son, Miles, who played Gordon's adopted son from 1985-1992.

Since Sesame Street doesn't film year-round, the rest of the book continues to talk about his other acting jobs, which jumped from stage to film to television, with some live Sesame gigs intermingled within. It really is interesting to see how crazy a working actor's life is, even one as famous as a Sesame Street cast member.

Sadly, there is only one downfall to Roscoe's writing style. Whenever he talks about a new part of his life or a new show he works on, he lists the names of everyone he worked with. And although it may be a great collection of actors and directors from the 1960s or human actors on Sesame Street, it's still just a list of names, which gets a bit hard to read after seeing a block of names on every other page. My suggestion, skip a few lines when you see a list of names and the book will read much more smoothly.

Some people who weren't included in one of Roscoe Orman's lists were Thomas Jefferson, Gallagher, Papa Smurf, Santa Claus, Bea Arthur, Luncheon Counter Monster, Aquaman, Jean Stapleton, Danny Horn, Mike Ditka, Mildred Huxtetter, and Joan Ganz Cooney. No wait, scratch that last one.

There are some very touching moments in the book, especially near the end, when he realizes the impact his career has had on every generation of Sesame Street viewers and that he really has become a father-figure to many of us. Hence the name of the book. Didn't see that one coming, did ya?

So my final assessment is a hearty thumbs-up if you're interested in the career and success of a struggling actor. If you want a collection of stories from the set of Sesame Street, you may want to opt for Caroll Spinney's book, though Sesame Street Dad isn't worth missing in the long run.

I give it three bald heads out of five.

Skrump'd!

Wishbone, Skrumpy, and Raisins. If the Jim Henson Company has anything to say about it, these three will soon become household names as familiar as SpongeBob, Dora, and Hugh Laurie.

They're Skrumps, and they're part of a big new franchise Henson is launching. Based on characters created by artist John Chandler, the Skrumps are a colorful bunch of critters from Skrumpland (where else?), and they're brought to life with the Henson Digital Performance Studio, which allows puppeteers to perform computer generated characters in real-time.

Plans are under way to feature the Skrumps in their own TV series, books, comics... who knows, maybe even customized checks! We'll see if any of that stuff ever materializes, but for now, Yahoo! Kids has a rockin' new music video called "Dance Without Feet," by the Skrump band, Grumblebelly. It's a fun, silly song, which may not become a hit, but is certainly better than anything by Fergie. And if you love watching video blogs by abstract fictional characters, you're in luck, because they got those too.

Also, the latest podcast over at Henson.com has some behind-the-scenes info, although it doesn't explain why all the Skrumps are naked.

'Check' It Out!

I really apologize for the above post title, but when you're writing about checks (you know, the things old ladies use at the grocery store to make people in line behind them furious?) you only have so many options for humor, none of them good. And as it happens, checks are what I'm writing about. So there you go.

Wow! So over the past year, a certain number of events have happened in Muppet news; who'da thunk it? And now there's actually a lot of little things to catch up on. Rather than post about this years Kermit and Elmo Christmas decorations, I'll put up something that was actually released fairly recently. Let those other contributors talk about the Lenox figurines, that's what you get for being a slacker.

So!... Checks. Yeah. Still, if you're going to get excited about checks, these are the ones that'll do it (unless you're a Star Trek fan or something). Checks In The Mail personalised checks (See? What'd I tell you about check jokes?) has released a new series of Muppet-themed checks. According to the website, using these checks can help you "add a new level of humor and zaniness to your check writing". Which is odd - I always thought the humor level of writing a check peaked at zero. But hey, if you're the kind of person that gets jazzed by what is essentially filling out a form, you go have yourself a blast.

I will say the images on these are pretty nice. You have the main five Muppets as well as a group shot, Statler & Waldorf, Bunsen & Beaker and the Swedish Chef, as well as some Piggy-Kermit lovin'. You can also get a Muppet leather checkbook cover, as well as order extra deposit tickets and check registers. Although the tickets and registers don't include Muppet imagery, making them significantly less zany, as you'd imagine.

But it seems kind of moot to me - who really uses checks now? Unless you're one of the aforementioned old ladies and you are, in fact, at a grocery store, couldn't you be a little less horrible and just use an ATM card? In which case you could get the much-more-useful Muppet address labels offered by CITM, which I have to admit I really kind of like, in an address-labely kind of way.

Minor Muppet news item out of the way: Check! I'm sorry.

Introductions and Master Replicas!

Welcome to the new Tough Pigs blog! On teh Int4rw3bz! Forsooth! One of the interesting things about this newly revamped TP (2.0!) is that there's more than one person writing it. While everyone's favorite crab Danny is still going to be around, he's gotten a bunch of great people (myself included) to help out.

Don't worry about the signature Tough Pigs humor and crabbiness being toned down, however - we're all funny and I know I, at least, am just as crabby. But for real, I hope to be a worthy contributor to the site, and that you like me. Really like me. That previous joke is a contractual obligation, by the way. The other contributors should be letting you get to know them soon with their own posts.

So enough of that, onto what you're really here for: Muppet stuff! It's a new year and a new ToughPigs, so let's kick off with one of the most exciting new pieces of merchandise since the Disney merger - the Master Replicas Kermit the Frog Photo Puppet!



This product had been talked about for almost a year, and was released in late 2006. It's essentially a replica (and a Master one at that) of a Kermit poser, ie. the kind of Kermit used in professional Muppet photo shoots with no puppeteer controls and an internal metal armature (but you knew that). The Master Replicas version includes a custom display stand and numbered plaque for added fancy-tude.

I've had the opportunity to see one of these up close, and it's the real deal. The fleece MR used for the outside of the replica is spot-on. Little details like the invisible Henson stitching are there, and with a bit of effort it's possible to tweak the eyes; a lot of the replicas shipped have the "flathead kermit" wonky eye focus preinstalled. But all told, great results for a first effort. I mean, it's Kermit! For really real Kermit, not a toy! Very much not a toy!

I say 'first' because on the (tentative) slate at Master Replicas for 2007 are several more Photo Puppets, namely Gonzo and Animal - and how exciting is that? Especially since the retail price for Kermit is a decent $199 (although some looking around on eBay can get you one for as little as $169) (didn't I say it's not a toy?). Given the current status of any official Muppet productions at Disney (not a lot) you could start your own authentic-looking Muppet performances at home while you wait. Except, don't put on any Muppet performances at home. Disney's legal department could be on you like that.

Images Courtesy of Master Replicas

Christmas Cheer: Big Bird on "Deal or No Deal"

Hiya, folks and people. Welcome to the all-new, all-different, now-vanilla-scented ToughPigs.com. I'm Ryan Roe, and I hope you'll come to know me as the Ryan-Roe-iest of the contributors here.

You know that show Deal or No Deal? It’s a prime time game show hosted by Howie Mandel, whose previous jobs include voicing Scooter’s imaginary sister and putting rubber gloves on his head. Recently, our favorite freakishly tall avian Big Bird made an appearance on a special, two-hour Christmas episode of the show.




If NBC really had their act together, they would have let Big Bird co-host the show, or at least had him take over for one of the models who holds the briefcases. Like #18. She's not that hot anyway. But alas, they’re not that bright. His appearance was brief, and didn’t occur until about ¾ of the way through the show. I’m guessing most of you missed it, because, come on, what kind of loser wants to spend his Christmas watching Deal or No Deal? (Note: My apologies to any of said losers who may be reading this.)

So here’s a recap, to be read while eating the last of the leftover pistachio pudding from Christmas dinner.

To set the stage: Our contestant is Lamar, a jovial ice cream man who looks like he takes full advantage of the free ice cream available at his job. I’m not going to reiterate the rules of the game, as it would take way too long, and because I’m not sure I understand them. But let’s just say that Lamar has the choice of either selling his briefcase to the show’s mysterious Banker for $39,000 (deal!), or rejecting the offer and continuing to play for a prize amount somewhere between $.01 and $500,000 (no deal!).

Howie Okay, the decision has to be yours. But… this is scary. One huge amount, two cases. Focus on me. How scary is this? Do you feel scared?

Why all the scaredy talk, Howie? It soon becomes clear that it’s a setup, as a door behind Lamar opens and Big Bird walks in, wearing a very Christmassy necktie. Big Bird is one of the few TV stars who can get away with wearing a tie without a dress shirt. Or pants. As he enters, the audience goes nuts, and he sneaks up behind Lamar, who is still unaware.

Howie Well, we have somebody to help you get over your fear.

And then Big Bird taps Lamar on the shoulder, and then BLAM! The audience erupts, Lamar’s eyes go wide, and he turns and walks off the stage. Wait a second-- what’s up with that? It seems unlikely that a guy who’s just spent half an hour tolerating Howie Mandel would walk away from a meeting with Big Bird.

Howie Big Bird’s just here to help, Lamar!

Big Bird Come on back, Lamar! I’m here to wish you a Merry Christmas!

Hooray! It’s really Caroll Spinney in the bird! And hooray, Lamar returns to the stage, having regained his composure, and gives Big Bird a big ol’ Christmas hug. You know, at this point it really doesn’t matter whether Lamar wins $500,000 or a mere penny. He got to hug Big Bird, and that’s a prize you can’t place a value on.

Big Bird Yeah. Lamar, you know what? You remind me of my best pal! He’s Snuffy. He’s a Snuffleupagus! And you know, you have to learn to face your fears, because I was afraid of Snuffy when I first saw him. So it’s nice to see a guy who reminds me of my pal Snuffy. And I want to give you one bit of advice, too: If you believe, you will achieve!

There’s more applause and cheering, and Big Bird starts jumping up and down, and you can’t help but think that Caroll Spinney is awfully spry for 73. As I implied earlier, Lamar is a pretty large dude, so it seems like Big Bird’s suggestion that he resembles Snuffy is, in fact, a fat joke. But it’s Big Bird, so he gets away with it. He could cheerfully insult all your flaws and shortcomings, and you’d stand there and take it with a smile, because he’s an American institution.

Also, I think the whole “If you believe, you will achieve!” thing was some sort of personal motto of Lamar’s, but I’m not sure. I wasn’t really paying attention.

Howie Thank you, Big Bird. You’ve really helped.

Big Bird Okay. Nice to see you.

Howie We love you. Bye, Big Bird.

And then Howie kind of pushes Big Bird away, as if to say, “Get outta here, kid, we got a show to do,” and he makes his exit, and that’s it. The whole thing lasts approximately eighty seconds. Just a cameo, really. Still, the rock-star-like reception Big Bird got was good to see. After all these years, America is still thrilled to see Big Bird, and that feels sort of like a gift in itself.

Oh, and in case you’re wondering, Lamar said no deal, of course. When an eight-foot-tall canary tells you to keep playing, you keep playing.

ToughPigsRyan@yahoo.com

The new Tough Pigs

So I don't know if you've noticed, but Tough Pigs hasn't been updated in a year. There are many good reasons for this, none of them convincing.

Partly, it's because I got a grown-up job, which doesn't allow me a spare couple of hours during the day to write amusing reviews of Muppet specials.

But mostly it's because this year we started Muppet Wiki. I don't know if you've looked at the wiki recently, but it's really extraordinary -- huge and detailed and beautiful and insane. (If you haven't checked it out much, then "Today on Muppet Wiki" gives you a good overview of how we've been spending our time.)

And the thing about working on the wiki is that it's not just me writing stuff; it's a whole bunch of people all working together. That experience has been so exciting that, frankly, it made working on Tough Pigs seem really lonely. Creating a website is pretty much a one-man operation -- it's just you and the computer, staring at each other. Now that I know what it's like to work on a site with other people, it's hard to go back to the old do-it-yourself model.

Therefore: Welcome to the new and improved Tough Pigs! I've got a whole bunch of my friends together, Muppet Movie campfire style, and we've set up the site so that we can all post amusing reviews of Muppet specials. Now, don't worry -- my friends are all bright, witty and stunningly attractive, so you'll hardly notice the difference at all. Plus, all the previous content from the site is still here, so you'll still get to see all my bad formatting and lapses in judgement.

So enjoy the new Tough Pigs! And as always, if you don't like it, feel free to start your own damn site.