An Ode to Bob

'Round these parts, we ToughPigs have a certain love for Bob McGrath. Recently, we found a couple of videos on the YouTube Machine from Bob's pre-Sesame career. And frankly, I can't think of anyone I'd rather share them with than Viewers Like You.

Here is Bob on To Tell The Truth in 1966. Can you figure out which one is the real Bob McGrath?


Here's Bob from his first big gig on Sing Along With Mitch. Feel free to stop watching after Bob's song, unless you want to see a commercial for Mary Poppins.


The YouTube Machine is so big, why would we stop there? Here's a few more videos that you might already be familiar with. And if you're not, then you'd better get familiar real quick.

This is a song that they'd never show on Sesame these days. Not because of the lack of educational value, but because of the dirty hippies.


Here's Bob doing his job as a music teacher, and failing miserably. I don't know why the Two-Headed Monster even pays for those lessons.


I've got three words for you: Bob the Blob.


Bob earns his paycheck by dressing up as... well, just watch the video.


Lastly, TV Legends did a huge interview with Bob that's cut into four parts on YouTube. If you've got a couple hours to waste on Bob, then give 'em a click-a-roo.

Of course, there's a ton more videos of Bob on YouTube, as well as the Sesame Street Video site, so check 'em out, and then click here to visit the ToughPigs forum to tell us which ones are your favorite.

joe.toughpigs@gmail.com

Better to Have Gifts Than Receipts

Over the years, there have been way too many Muppet Christmas specials, and they all do their best to teach us what the holiday is all about. But we already know what the holiday is all about: presents.

I got to thinking... Of all the Christmas presents exchanged in all the Muppet Christmas productions, which are the good ones and which ones should have stayed under the tree? (All of these specials are look-up-able on Muppet Wiki.)

The production: A Muppet Family Christmas

The gift: Kermit gets Miss Piggy a mink

Piggy is initially excited when Kermit announces that he got her a mink for Christmas, less excited when the mink turns out to be a living, talking specimen, then thrilled when Maureen Mink turns out to be Piggy's biggest fan.

I remember seeing the first airing of the special on TV, and thinking, Cool, a new character! I guess she'll be part of the Muppet gang now! Of course, we've never seen Maureen again, so I can only assume Piggy either returned her for store credit, or... well, I won't say any more lest I get Piggy in trouble with PETA.

Score: 7.5/10

Kermit probably spent a lot of money on Maureen... but what do minks eat?

The production: "The Bells of Fraggle Rock" episode of Fraggle Rock

The gift: Doc and Sprocket get mittens and dog biscuits, respectively, inside a piñata from Doc's coworker Señor Gomez

While Gobo is busy learning about faith and causing his friends to freeze to death, Doc and Sprocket get a subplot in which Doc tells Sprocket about winter holidays from around the world. So Señor Gomez's piñata is a fine gift, both educational and fun. Too bad nobody wants mittens for Christmas.

Score: 5.5/10

The production: The Christmas Toy

The gift: Jamie's parents or possibly Santa (I'm not sure it's made clear which) give Jamie a Meteora action figure

What is up with Meteora? Supposedly Jamie really wants this toy, but come on. She looks like a dominatrix. Did Jamie ask for a dominatrix for Christmas? And Meteora's all about, like, attacking people and taking over the planet. The same little girl who was thrilled to get an adorable stuffed tiger last year now wants an unattractive, warmongering spacewoman with a serious frizz problem? At the end of the special, Jamie kisses Meteora and tells her she loves her, but it seems highly unlikely to me.

Score: 2/10

The production: Elmo's World: Happy Holidays
The gift: Elmo gives Dorothy a drawing he made

Elmo spends this entire special trying to think of a good present for Dorothy, but gifts such as a new sweater, a bottle of wine, or a puppy are just not appropriate for a fish. On a suggestion from a fat guy in a red suit, he uses his imagination and comes up with an original work of art called "Dorothy's World," which depicts Elmo inside Dorothy's fishbowl. (Presumably in Dorothy's World Elmo has gills.)

Score: 4/10
This is a last-minute gift that looks like something scribbled by a three-year-old. I'm only scoring it this high because Elmo trekked all the way to North Pole and sat through a boring song about the Christmas spirit in order to get Santa's advice.


The production: A Muppets Christmas: Letters to Santa
The gift: The Muppets' neighbor Claire asks Santa for, and receives, Christmas with the Muppets

Santa grants a few different wishes in the new Muppet Christmas special from this year: Nathan Lane gets a tricycle, which, sadly, we don't get to see him ride. Pepe gets an opera voice, which should really come in handy when they get around to making The Muppets' Gotterdammerung. Claire's letter to Santa, the plot device that drives the whole special, is simply to spend Christmas with all her Muppety friends.

Score: 8.5/10
Claire lives in the same building as the Muppets, so she gets to see them every day anyway. So I was going to rate this one pretty low... but then I got to thinking, How great a present would it be to have the Muppets come to your house on Christmas Eve? It would blow 1987's ThunderCats Cat's Lair playset out of the water, that's for sure.


The production: A Special Sesame Street Christmas
The gift: Big Bird gives Leslie Uggams a hat that everyone hates

This is the little-seen Sesame Christmas special (Danny wrote about it on this site a while back) in which Leslie Uggams is inexplicably hanging out on Sesame Street on Christmas. The humans all chip in to buy her a present, and they entrust Big Bird to pick it out, which is a pretty terrible idea. Was he established as being six years old back then? I wouldn't want a six-year-old picking out my present. Anyway, Leslie doesn't even pretend to like the hat, but she turns it into a cue for an inspiring song about really crappy Christmas presents.

Score: 1/10


The production: Emmet Otter's Jugband Christmas
The gift: Emmet attempts to give his Ma a piano, while she attempts to give him a guitar

You know the story. The otters have noble gift-giving intentions, but each of them sacrifices the other's prized possession, then they both lose the talent contest, so they don't make any money, so they can't buy any presents so they did it all for nothing. But they still have each other... and then there is that happy ending. Hmm.

Score: I can't decide. What do you think?


The production: The Great Santa Claus Switch
The gift: Santa Claus gives Thog and Thig a toy truck and a teddy bear, respectively.

In this very first Muppet Christmas special, the guy who played Ed Norton on The Honeymooners teaches two naked, monstrous beasts that Christmas is all about giving toys away without expecting anything in return. Rumor has it that Thig was so touched by this lesson that he quit the Muppets and became the head of the Salvation Army.

Score: 7/10


The production: A Muppet Family Christmas
The gift: Robin gives Grover a Fraggle pebble

A tiny rock is just about the cheapest, most worthless gift you could ever give... but when it's changing hands between the two cutest Muppets in the world in a gesture of selflessness, it seems a lot better than one of those XBox 3whatchamacallits. Besides, Grover seems genuinely touched to receive it, and he's not one to fake sincerity. This gifting also happens to connect three different Muppet worlds, which is the point of the whole special.

Score: 10/10
The best part of the Fraggle pebble is that Grover can pawn it off on the first monster, rat, or chicken he sees, and rather than seeming ungrateful, he's just following the tradition!


The production: Christmas Eve on Sesame Street
The gift: Mr. Hooper returns Bert's paper clip collection and Ernie's rubber duckie to their rightful owners

If only they used money on Sesame Street, this story never would have happened. Bert trades Mr. Hooper his paper clips for a soapdish for Rubber Duckie, and Ernie trades Mr. Hooper Rubber Duckie for a cigar box for Bert's paper clips. Then Mr. Hooper gives everything back, which means he gets absolutely nothing from the whole deal except the satisfaction of selflessness, which, of course, is the true meaning of blah blah blah.

Of course, it's not like he would have had much need for a used rubber duckie anyway. The really important thing here, though, is this: Is this the only time a grown-up human was ever seen in Bert and Ernie's apartment? He looks very tall.

Score: 9/10

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays, everyone! I hope you get presents that don't suck!

Do you agree with my assessments? Disagree? Which ones did I leave out? Click here to talk about this article on the Tough Pigs forum!

ToughPigsRyan@yahoo.com

Can You Tell Me How To Get The Complete History Of Sesame Street?

There’s a great story out there; someone just needed to tell it. Well ok, it’s been told before, but why haven’t we gotten that story with all the sordid details?

That’s what we’ve been saying for years. Sure, we’ve gotten the general Sesame Street origin before: Joan Ganz Cooney wanted to use the previously bad-for-kids medium of television to teach kids, hired Jim Henson and company, and created 40 years worth of history. But not many people have bothered to get into the nitty and gritty of the story. Until now. When someone did. Get the nitty.

TV Guide’s own Michael Davis did his homework (which consisted of over 200 interviews conducted over the last 5 years) and wrote the comprehensive history of Sesame Street in his new book, Street Gang.

But we don’t just get the history of Sesame Street, we get a thorough history of children’s television (including enough info on Captain Kangaroo to warrant its own book) and the stories of the most important people involved, including Joan Ganz Cooney, Jim Henson, John Stone, Jeff Moss, Joe Raposo, and some other people whose names start with the letter J.

The prologue starts the book on a surprisingly depressing note. Our tale starts with Joan Ganz Cooney attending Jim Henson’s funeral. It’s a fresh viewpoint on a story we’ve all heard many times before, and it successfully gets the reader emotionally involved before we read anything remotely related to television development and production. Davis shows us right away that for as many uplifting effects the story has, there is just as many upsetting. Street Gang is bookended with stories about death, as the end of the book deals with the inevitable passings of Jeff Moss, Jim Henson, Joe Raposo, Jon Stone, Northern Calloway, and Richard Hunt. As a Muppet fan, I’m sad to revisit this part of Sesame history, but I’m ecstatic to see their stories written with the brutal honesty they deserve.

If you have at least a passing interest in the history of children’s television, then the first half of the book will be like a triple malt sundae to you. It’s compelling, thorough, and it reads as if Michael Davis leaves no stone unturned. Even if he mentions someone mundane like the Kukla, Fran and Ollie cameraman, he’s going to give you a quick bio on him before moving on. Thankfully, Davis is able to do this without sounding like he’s meandering or losing the point of the story at large. I found this portion of the book to be very intriguing, but there’s just one small problem: You might not.

Although there’s more raw information in those first 150 pages than you can shake a stick at (assuming you’re one for stick-shaking), there isn’t much about Sesame Street or the Muppets. And let’s face it, you’re probably on this site in the first place because you’re a Muppet fan. Or because you’re my dad (Hi, Dad!).

There are some great bits in the first half of the book involving Jim Henson and Jon Stone, and lots more that set the stage for the premiere of Sesame Street, but if you bought this book because it’s got a big picture of Oscar on the cover, you might only really start to enjoy the book in the eleventh chapter.

Thankfully, that eleventh chapter starts with the preparation of the pilot episode, and that’s when the book gets a big shot of vitamin M. Throughout the second half of the book, we get interviews with just about every human cast member and puppeteer, we live through their glory years as the invincible children’s television machine, we get hit with the sudden competition of Barney and Sesame’s subsequent format changes, we witness the unfortunate downward spiral of Northern Calloway, and best of all, we see that after 40 years, Sesame Street remains the leader among children’s programming. It’s a wonderful rollercoaster ride, and my only complaint is that I wish there was more.

The book also contains a few pages of photos, most of which I haven’t seen before. I honestly don’t think I’ll ever get tired of seeing pictures of Muppeteers with the puppets on their hands. My favorite by far is a picture of Bob McGrath in Japan, surrounded by Japanese teenagers waiting to get an autograph with “Bobu”.

Needless to say, I think Street Gang deserves to sit on every Muppet fan’s bookshelf, right between your copies of The Works and Sesame Street Unpaved. It will be the book we go back to regularly to confirm the details of the Sesame trivia we’ve memorized, and it will fit into the rotation of books we re-read every few years, along with Caroll Spinney and Kevin Clash’s autobiographies.

Street Gang will be released on December 26, and I recommend that everyone wait in line to get your copy at your local Barnes and Noble overnight as if this were the new Harry Potter book. I can’t imagine a more fulfilling way to spend your Boxing Day. Or click here to get a personalized bookplate for your book, signed my Michael Davis himself.

And don’t forget, Caroll Spinney’s reading of the audio book will also be available on December 26.
Click here to see a list of Street Gang tour dates, along with additional info.

Click here to discuss this article on the ToughPigs forum!

joe.toughpigs@gmail.com

Reviews to Santa

Missed the special? It's available online here until December 31!

This week, the Muppets did something we haven’t seen them do in about three and a half years: they made a new TV movie. And SPOILER ALERT: It’s pretty dang good.

In A Muppets Christmas: Letters to Santa (sometimes incorrectly, yet better-sounding, “A Muppet Christmas: Letters to Santa”), Kermit, Fozzie, Gonzo, Pepe and Rizzo embark on an international voyage northward to deliver mail to an old man who has some shipments to deliver himself. And someone might or might not learn the true meaning of Christmas.

The story was pitched by Paul Williams, who you should know as the writer of the Carpenters hit song, "We've Only Just Begun," and as Virgil from Battle for the Planet of the Apes. Oh, and he wrote the music from The Muppet Movie and Muppet Christmas Carol and appeared in the Paul Williams episode of The Muppet Show. I know, I just blew your mind.

Having grown up in a Jewish household, I never paid much attention to Christmas specials. Only in the past few years have I bothered with the non-Muppet ones, and really appreciated the Frog-centric ones on the same level as any other fanatic. So it’s with thought in mind that I say this: This movie had too much Christmas.

What I mean by that is that Christmas movies tend to come with a certain level of schmaltz, and a story about delivering a little girl’s letter to Santa Claus is chock full of it. But what saved us all from ODing on schmaltziness was the Muppets’ new writing team of Hugh Fink, Scott Ganz, and Andrew Samson. Their combined knowledge of Muppet history and their ability to write a successful prime-time special turned this movie from a potential schmaltzfest into a wonderful movie that’s both great for the family and fun for nostalgia buffs.

Despite the schmaltzitude, Paul Williams did come up with a fun story to toss some Muppets into. He also wrote four new songs for the special. The first, “Delivering Christmas,” was the absolute best. It was maybe even the best Muppet song since the Muppet Christmas Carol soundtrack. That also might be due to the myriad of Muppets and choreography going on in the background of the song. Next was “What’s in Your Heart,” which was nice, though not the most memorable song I’ve ever heard (I’m trying hard to hum it right now, and it just ain’t happening). The next song, “I Wish I Was Santa Claus,” was the clinker for the special. I found it hard to believe that Paul Williams wrote it, as the lyrics were eye-rolling and the tune made me want to use the song’s 45 seconds to run to the bathroom. Though it did give us (as far as I know) Gonzo and Fozzie’s first duet, which is nothing to be ashamed of. The final song, “My Best Christmas Yet,” picked the pace up again and sounded like a song on the Muppets' repertoire for years. Whether Paul’s music was a success or not, he made it up to us by appearing as an elf, which is the most appropriate casting in the history of motion pictures.

Letters to Santa brought the Muppets back to A-list (or at least close to it) celebrity cameos. Uma Thurman was utterly adorable as Joy the ticket agent. Nathan Lane stole the spotlight as TSA Agent Officer Meany. Those two guys from the Sopranos reprised their roles as Ernie and Bert from Elmo’s Christmas Countdown. Jesse L. Martin did a song and dance, just like he does on Law and Order. Petra Nemcova has a name that’s hard to pronounce. Whoopi Goldberg portrayed God, taking human form and judging mankind in the guise of Alex Reiger. Michael Bloomberg ran for a third term. But the star of the cameo show was Jane Krakowski, whose every smirk was hilarious, and not to mention realistic for someone who shares a brownstone with a bunch of weirdos.

The terrific Muppety moments were a-plenty. The stamps on the intro. The Muppet employees of the post office. The Great Muppet Caper-esque “delivery” to the apartment. Fozzie being funny instead of pathetic. Sam’s PSA for the USPS. Beaker’s wish (and her speech impediment). Bunsen’s latent jealousy. The Swedish fish head pizza. The Electric Mayhem’s voices (especially Zoot’s trailing off). The two names being paged at the airport. Where Gonzo stores his trumpet when he travels. Bear-on-bear violence. A worse way to travel than like your luggage. A turkey serving a turkey. Lew Zealand’s Christmas present.

Of course, nothing is perfect. Some moments left me a little flat. For example: Gonzo not acting like Gonzo. He was surprisingly melancholy and muted, only breaking out to have fun in the mail sorter, in the x-ray machine, and possibly while jumping off the plane. Also, Rizzo was given very little to do, considering he had just as much screen time as the other leads (I’m ok with Piggy’s lack of screen time, as we shouldn’t be forcing her into the main story just because we can). I thought David Rudman did a fine Scooter voice, but he’s got to work on that “Scooter Fist.” The scene with the pigeons was completely forgettable (and I’ll bet it took you a few seconds to remember what I’m talking about). Everyone’s favorite Muppet, Animal, was given a total of one joke, which is more surprising than upsetting. But these are all minor complaints, and I’m sure Messrs. Fink, Ganz, and Samson are hanging on my every word and will write the next Muppet movie specifically to my personal tastes.

Despite my complaints (because we really do like to complain ‘round these parts), I thought Letters to Santa was a great success. The Muppets sounded and acted like Muppets. There was comedy and heart. And there were times when it really felt like it could have been from the era of the original Muppet movies. The Muppets very well might be moving into a new age for a new audience, and we’re off to a great start with a genuinely good movie.

But I do have one last nitpick. The plot revolves around a little girl’s wish to spend Christmas with her friends, the Muppets. But she lives in an apartment building with all of them for the other 364 days of the year. Greedy much???
Click here to share your thoughts on Letters to Santa on the ToughPigs forum!

joe.toughpigs@gmail.com

The Ugly Muppet Toy Pageant 2008: RESULTS!

Welcome, everyone, to the 2008 Ugly Muppet Toy Pageant. In case you've forgotten how this works, here are Sad, Pathetic, Broken-Eyed Cookie Monster and Drum Major Oscar to present the rules:

Over the past few weeks, the Ugly Toy contestants were rated, evaluated, and in some cases hated by the Tough Pigs community at large. People rated each toy on a scale of 1 to 5, with 1 being "not that ugly" and 5 being "extreeeeemely ugly." Here, now, today, at last, finally, comma, we'll count down the "winners," starting with the Not That Ugly toys, and working up to the toys that have been voted by our readers as the ugliest toys of the year. Color commentary from the voters is provided for your entertainment.

Thank you, fellas. Sad, Pathetic, Broken-Eyed Cookie Monster and Drum Major Oscar, ladies and gentlemen. Let's hear it for them. And now, on with the results!

Not Really That Ugly

Wendy Loves Kermit - Madame Alexander, found somewhere on the internet

Score: 2.5

"Wendy thinks it's not easy being green, but try having a head that weighs more than the rest of your body." -Mary Catherine O

"If Wendy loves Kermit, what's she doing with this thing?" - Justin W

"Who's Wendy?" -Kris

Bert as a carpenter - submitted by Halfway Down the Stairs
Score: 2.52

"Bert looks like such a tool." -Michal R

"He won't get the job done, but he won't maul your children either." -Kris

"He can build a beach house in just a week, but it takes three hours for him to dress himself." -Lara F

"I didn't think there was much else you could do to make Bert look more uncool. I stand corrected. Mystified, disgusted, and corrected." -David B


Gonzo sugar bowl - Sigma, mid 1970s, found on Muppet Wiki
Score: 2.56

"It reminds me of something my crazy grandmother might have painted. In therapy. On her ward in the psych hospital." -Jessica E

"You can't tell me this isn't EXACTLY what Gonzo would do if he ever encountered a giant sugar bowl." -Grant

"I'm amused at the idea that Gonzo is portraying both the Mad Hatter and the Dormouse. Oh, and the town drunk." -Joe H

"From Gonzo's brief 'pickle-as-a-nose" phase." -Mary Catherine O

"...Right. Sugar." -Lara F

"When was Gonzo a disgruntled chimney sweep?" -Colin G

Retro Kermit - Brass Key Collectibles, submitted by Jamie Badminton, Halfway Down the Stairs, and Joe Hennes
Score: 2.68

"This is one of the worst things I have ever seen." -Tony W

"Who'd have thought you could admire Kermit's outtasite 'fro AND use him to wash dishes?" -Nancy P

"I love how it's called 'Retro Kermit' -- as if Kermit EVER did or would sport that look." -Justin P

"We know what Kermit looked like in the 70s, and it certainly wasn't the love child of Don King and Barry Gibb." -Mary Catherine O

"...the real kicker is his childbearing hips." -Mo W

Gonzo doll - submitted by Jamie Badminton
Score: 2.84

"How ugly can it be? It's not wearing a chili pepper tie." -Peter P

"It looks like Cookie Monster is swallowing Gonzo whole." -Michael H

"Probably gonna enjoy a HELL of a hangover in the morning." -Smig

"He wears it to his left just like I do." -James W

"That mouth... Why?" -Tony W


Elmo as Oscar - Sanrio, submitted by Danny Horn
Score: 2.84

"I am agog." -David B

"If we ever needed proof that Elmo was a horrific alien larva, devouring his victims from the inside before bursting, hideously swollen, out of their shriveled skins... er... why did we want that proof again?" -Justin W

"Is he wearing Oscar's skin? Is Elmo Buffalo Bill???" -Joe H

"You know, for those who think Elmo is taking over Sesame Street, this is some pretty damning evidence." -Ian

"...it just makes me wonder... what if it's REALLY Oscar in an Elmo mask? Or Grover in an Oscar suit in an Elmo mask? Or a vase? Or two people kissing?" -Colin G

Semi-Finalists: Kind of Ugly
Animal and Fozzie - Sababa, 2003, submitted by Tony Whitaker
Score: 2.85

"Jesus and Fat Albert, reunited at last!" -Mary Catherine O

"Is it their wedding day? I don't understand what's happening here." -Tim H

"You'd think the folks who decided to clothe Fozzie at all could have left him his dignity, or at least his hat." -Michal R

"Me try Hare Krishna! Now world all make sense. Bah-bye!" -Tony W

"These guys are at every college party I've been to, and they're always leaving with like, 12 girls! Jackasses..." -Ian

"Does Fozzie have breasts?" -Mo W


Guy Smiley beanie - submitted by Nancy P
Score: 3.04

"It's time for everyone's favorite game show: Wire-in-the-Socket!" -Michal R

"This Guy's eyes are in different time zones!" -Justin P

"I wore my hair like that every day in elementary school." -David B

"His chin is of Jay Leno-like proportions, and his smile is eerily reminescent of Heath Ledger's Joker. Terrifying." -Mary Catherine O

"What a remarkable likeness of the time Guy Smiley stuck a fork in an electrical outlet, had his nose redone, and put on just a touch of lipstick!" -GG

"More like Guy Creepy." -Michael H


Miss Piggy in a carrot - Nanco, submitted by Joe Hennes
Score: 3.24

"Ahh, this reminds me of all the TV specials and films where Miss Piggy drove around in her patented carrot car... So many memories..." -Justin P

"This toy is perfect, and I'm insulted to see it on the list at all." -Joe H

"Token phallic joke." -Peter P

"Is that Miss Piggy in a carrot, or are you just happy to see me?" -Michal R

"Not only does Piggy not really look like Piggy, the carrot doesn't really look like a carrot either." -Grant

"I'll believe it when pigs drive carrots... aw, nuts!" -Mary Catherine O

"The only time you'll see Piggy with a carrot?" -Lara F

"Having fallen on hard times, Miss Piggy has been forced to carjack Gobo Fraggle's 1988 Happy Meal Toy, which she will sell for parts." -David B


Elmo doll - submitted by Ryan Dosier
Score: 3.38


"Elmo, dear, you can't eat that much. Your eyes are bigger than your stomach." -Justin W

"Will anyone answer Elmo's supplication, or will he fall victim to the array of classic toys behind him? You decide." -Michal R

"The David Blaine Elmo: 'I will now make my eyes levitate out of my head!'" -Kris

"He's just trying to count the number of songs he songs he sings on Songs from the Street, which is directly equal to the number of songs I skip on Songs from the Street." -David B

"I know there's a joke here. But I just can't SEE IT." -Lara F

"...isn't Elmo furry?" -Justin P


Animal finger puppet - Starbucks, 2003, submitted by DJTR
Score: 3.44

"Does the look on his face read ecstacy or pain?" -Jessica E

"I sincerely hope the candy cane is wearing protection." -Michal R

"I have one word: DUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" -Nancy P

Finalists
Kermit doll - submitted by Neil Whitman
Score: 3.56

"What kid wouldn't want his own nauseous Kermit doll?" -Joe H

"This isn't Kermit. This is the haunting, empty carcass of the frog suit that Doc Hopper wore in his French Fried Frog Legs commercials." -Peter P

"Looks like the 'good grief' grimace Kermit makes." -Mini Skunk

"What's frightening about this doll is it looks like there's still a hand inside of it." -Ian

"Collagen implants finally give Kermit the pouty lips he's always wanted." -Michael H

"How many pool tables did they slaughter to make these?" -Smig

"Twenty-five years ago you could buy flawless Kermit dolls. Has technology been moving backwards since then?" -Tim H

"And look at the meathooks on that frog!" -Justin P

Waldorf doll - Toy Factory, 2007, submitted by Tony Whitaker
Score: 4

"Who the f*** wants a Waldorf doll?" -Mo W

"Is it me, or does Waldorf resemble a sock monkey?" -Jessica E

"Hey! I bet I can make a likeness of Waldorf with really round geometric shapes and undersized doll clothes..." "You're on!" -Kris

"It's Colonel Mustard in the balcony with the poisoned tongue." -Peter P

"Whatever he's caught in that throat of his will hopefully dislodge itself soon." -Nancy P

"...who knew he had such great legs!" -Justin P

"If the real Waldorf saw this, he'd heckle himself." -Smig

"Serenity now!" -Michael H

"This is not Waldorf. This is the elderly, asymmetrically-dressed offspring of an illicit relationship between Ziggy and a sucker fish." -GG

Oscar puppet - Applause, found on Muppet Wiki
Score: 4.08

"That Oscar looks like he smells like a trash can. Nice work, Applause!" -Joe H

"It's not often you see a naked Oscar doll, and this is why." -Tony W

"I know Oscar loves trash, but he probably doesn't love the garbage truck that just ran him over." -Mary Catherine O

Second Runner-up
Count doll - submitted by Halfway Down the Stairs
Score: 4.13

"I'm sorry, I thought you said it was a Count doll. I'd better put on my monocle and look again." -Michal R

"Kinda looks like John Travolta." -Mo W

"He looks kinda like some creepy guy you keep trying to avoid at a bar... otherwise, not so bad." -Kris

"Half vampire, half werewolf, all ugy." -Ian

"Also sold as the Laverne & Shirley 'Squiggy' doll." -Mike H

"I recommend decongestants, vitamin C and lots of product." -James W

First Runner-Up

Fozzie doll - submitted by Halfway Down the Stairs

Score: 4.36

"This. Is. Hideous." -D.W.M.

"It's ugly, but the facial expression really conveys Fozzie's desperation." -Grant

"I appreciate the artistry in catching Fozzie just after the viewer has drawn back the shower curtain." -Michal R

"I thought about docking this Ugly Fozzie points for being obvious, but then I vomited all over my keyboard." -Peter P

"I feel it's almost too easy to attack Fozzie dolls anymore. I grant this one a free pass. Go hobble about your life, Fozzie doll. But if I ever see you on my property again, I'mma get my gun." -David B

"What's obnoxious about this doll isn't its looks. It's the fact that this picture looks like the doll held the camera in front of its face and took the picture itself for its Facebook profile, and really, if you have so few friends that you have to resort to doing that, you have no business on Facebook." -Ian

And now, ladies and gentleman...
The moment you've all been waiting for...
Truly one of the most hideous toys ever created...

THE WINNER

Big Bird bean bag - Knickerbocker, submitted by Tony Whitaker
Score: 4.52

"Someone beat poor Big Bird with an ugly stick, and then chopped off his toes!" -GG

"Looks like he wants a hug but I'd steer clear, kids..." -Justin P

"This is what you get when Big Bird's brother and sister decide to have a baby." -Joe H

"Oh no! I stepped on my... AAAAUUUUGGHH!!! Keanu Reeves ate my brain!!!!" -Peter P

"When the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse come a-gallopin' down Sesame Street, this toy is our first sign that the End is Near." -Quinn R

And there you have it. Thanks to everyone who voted and everyone who submitted toys! I'm already looking forward to the next pageant! (What am I, a masochist?)

Click here to talk about ug-ug-ugly Muppet toys on the Tough Pigs forum!

ToughPigsRyan@yahoo.com

Reminder: Letters to Santa

We have no doubt that you've set a myriad of alarms to remind you about the new TV movie starring the Muppets coming up this Wednesday. But in case you haven't...

Letters to Santa premieres on NBC this Wednesday, December 17, at 8pm EST!

I hope that was bold enough for you. In the meantime, here's a couple ways to get yourself primed for such a momentous event:

-Click here to add the event to your Facebook page, courtesy of writers Andrew Samson and Scott Ganz.

-Click here to read a recent interview with all three writers, Andrew, Scott, and Hugh Fink at our "rival" fan site, Muppet Central.

-Click here to watch some teaser videos.

-Come back here to ToughPigs on the day after the special for our review of Letters to Santa.
Click here to get into the Christmas spirit on the ToughPigs forum!

joe.toughpigs@gmail.com

Street Gang Activity

"Street Gang Activity"? What a terrible title for this article. It sounds like a rejected "Before and After" on Wheel of Fortune.

For years, the Muppet fan community has been hoping and praying and wishing and complaining and whining for an extensive, academic book encompassing the history of Sesame Street, along with lots of behind-the-scenes stories and photos. Man, did they listen or what!?!

Coming out this Christmas, "Street Gang: The Complete History of Sesame Street" will hit shelves. The book will contain information gathered from over 200 interviews conducted in the last 5 years, and will most likely mention Muppets once or twice in passing. Author Michael Davis has been kind enough to offer up some information to us at ToughPigs about the book and some events surrounding its release.

There will be a book tour soon after the release, which will hopefully have some Sesame faces attached. The last of the confirmed dates is the biggie: on January 30, at William Patterson University in Wayne, New Jersey, Michael Davis will moderate a panel discussion with Kevin Clash, Caroll Spinney, Sonia Manzano, Bob McGrath, Marty Robinson, David Rudman, Tony Geiss, and the one and only Frank Oz. The evening will also include a tribute to Richard Hunt. Tickets are going fast, so reserve yours right now. Go! This article will wait for you while you enter your credit card information.

The other confirmed tour dates are:

Monday, January 5, 2009
Lincoln Center Barnes and Noble, New York City

Tuesday, January 6, 2009
National Press Club, Washington DC

Thursday, January 8, 2009
Harvard Coop, Cambridge, Massachusetts

Saturday, January 10, 2009
Greetings and Readings, Hunt Valley, Maryland

Tuesday, January 27, 2009
University of Pennsylvania Bookstore, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Gershman Y, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

Friday, January 30, 2009
William Patterson University, Wayne, New Jersey

From what I hear, many people in this country don't live on the east coast (s'matter with all of you?), so to make it up to the folks who won't be able to attend any of the signings, Michael Davis will send a personalized, peel-and-stick bookplate that can be pasted into your book. All you'll have to do is buy your book during the holiday season and you'll get the signature for free! What a sport, that Davis guy is.

One book that I make sure to revisit often is Caroll Spinney's "The Wisdom of Big Bird." Partly because it's a great book for a rainy day, but also because it's one of the few books to actually share these great behind-the-scenes stories from the early days of Sesame Street. For some reason, Caroll never recorded an audio version of the book, but as luck would have it, he agreed to read the audio book for Street Gang. That's a whopping 7 hours of Caroll in your head! Jim Dale, eat your heart out.

For more information, keep an eye on this space, as we'll have a review of the book up next week. Also, in early January we'll have an interview with Michael Davis himself. And there's always Street Gang's official website, which has the sole purpose of making us foam at the mouth in anticipation.
Click here for street talk on the ToughPigs forum!

joe.toughpigs@gmail.com

Vids for the Masses

Wow, it really looks like this YouTube thing is taking off! People really seem to like watching things move on their computer screens. And who can blame them? I've been watching things move in real life for years now.

The Muppets have been tossing videos online a lot recently, and we don't want any of you folks to miss out on the good ones. Which is all of them. So get your popping corn ready, because it's Movie Sign!

First up is an official (read: not fan-made) music video to promote Letters to Santa, featuring clips and outtakes from the movie. Be cautious, as spoilers abound.


Next is the furry, the funny, the fabulous Fozzie Bear, along with Bobby Flay, demonstrating how one might go about building their own Whatnot. After the show, Bobby Flay served his Whatnot with a light raspberry creme sauce and braised asparagus on the side.


Live from the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, here's Kermit singing the brand new song, "I Believe". This is not to be confused with the opening lyrics of Whitney Houston's "Greatest Love of All".


Here's a backstage view of the brand spankin' new Emmet Otter musical. Click here and scroll down a tad for the vid. It's times like these when I wish I knew anything about embedding videos in HTML. Sorry folks.

Kermit and Piggy made it to the lighting of the giant mutant tree at Rockefeller Center. Here they are introducing the very talented, and very off-screen, Harry Connick Jr.


Lastly, here's four teaser videos from NBC.com for Letters to Santa. Put your spoiler goggles on, as we've entered the SPOILER ZONE! Someone wake Kenny Loggins up.




We now return you to your regularly scheduled ToughPigs blog, now more motionless and static than ever before!

Click here to view video responses on the ToughPigs forum! Or, y'know, regular ones.

Bonus: Click here to see a fun Muppet comic strip from PvPonline.com!

joe.toughpigs@gmail.com

Ugly Muppet Toy Pageant DEADLINE! and Other Goings-on 12/9

First things first: The deadline for the Ugly Muppet Toy Pageant is this Friday, December 12th! If you haven't sent in your votes, check out the pageant and join in the fun.

Meanwhile, it's beginning to look, sound, smell, and taste a lot like Christmas. Here's some stuff that's been going on:

Kermit interview
This is actually Thanksgivingian rather than Christmassy. Before his appearance on the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, Kermit did this fun little interview with Broadway World.

5-minute preview of Letters to Santa
The new Muppet Christmas special Letters to Santa is rapidly approaching... It'll air on NBC on December 17th! NBC's posted this 5-minute chunk of the special to get us jazzed about it.

Official YouTube music video
As if that weren't exciting enough, all the Muppets who have YouTube accounts have posted a music video to promote the special. It's pretty fascinating, actually... The song is "Glad All Over," and they're using the same gimmick used by other YouTube users to make it look like the Muppets are gangsta-rapping, by matching the words of the song to the lip-synching of the... you know what? Just watch it. You'll get it.

Kermit and Piggy at Rockefeller Center
Did you happen to see Kermit and Miss Piggy on the Christmas in Rockefeller Center special last week? The whole thing is really just an excuse for celebrities to promote their current projects disguised as a bundle of holiday cheer, but hey, Muppets on TV.

We've been talking about Piggy a lot lately over on the Tough Pigs forum, and how much better she is when she's not just getting mad and karate-chopping everyone every five minutes. This time around she just was teasing Kermit for being jealous of her crush on Harry Connick Jr. It was entertaining, and she didn't even get a little bit cranky. Yay, Piggy!

Emmet Otter on stage
The live stage musical adaptation of Emmet Otter's Jugband Christmas premiered this past weekend in Connecticut. You should go see it if you live near Connecticut and you like singing otters.

Click here to discuss all this stuff on the Tough Pigs forum!

ToughPigsRyan@yahoo.com

Muppet Comics: A Chat with the Editor

While we eagerly await the release of the upcoming Muppet Show comic book, due out in 2009 from BOOM! Studios, I find myself chomping at the bit, wondering what this thing's gonna be like. And that's not easy. First I had to find a bit, which is only sold in Chinatown, and then take a bite. And those things taste like black licorice. Blecch.

I had a chance to ask a few questions to Paul Morrissey, BOOM! Studios' editor for the Disney-related comics. This interview took place before I had the preview comic in-hand (which includes all of the images used in this article), which explains why I didn't ask any questions about Gonzo's beak or other script-related issues.

But don't take my word for it, here's Paul Morrissey. And, um, me.
ToughPigs: In what aspect (besides Editor in Chief) is Mark Waid involved in the Muppet comic books? I heard a rumor that he was writing some of the content, but that sounded to me to be false.

Paul Morrissey: Unfortunately, that's just a rumor. One of our press releases announcing the books was reprinted wrong on a comic news site. Though I'm sure Mark would write a brilliant Muppet comic, he's a bit too busy scripting other projects--including BOOM!'s "Incredibles" comic book.
TP: Is Roger Langridge submitting short pieces for the comic (like his one-page Muppet comic in Disney Adventures), or will he be working on full 20-30 page scripts?

PM: Roger Langridge is a mad genius, so we didn't want to restrict him to just short pieces. We miraculously found a way to have Roger write and draw full 22-page scripts. They are classic Muppets. Each one is full of hilarious skits and gags and irreverence, but Roger's stories also manage to tug at the heartstrings, too.

TP: Will Roger be the sole writer and artist for the book, or will it be a compilation of different talents?

PM: Right now, Roger is the only writer/artist on "The Muppet Show" comic. However, down the road, we'll have some exciting announcements about other writers and artists contributing their own "The Muppet Show" arcs.
TP: Are the "sequel" books (like "Muppet Prince Charming" and "Muppet Sleeping Beauty") planned already, or is that conjecture on BOOM's part?

PM: BOOM! is very much committed to having the Muppets bring their chaos to classic fairy tales and legends. Expect to see "Muppets Robin Hood" (with Sweetums as Little John!), "Muppets Peter Pan" and "Muppets King Arthur" shortly after Roger's "The Muppet Show" comic book hits stands. We're finding the funniest writers to script these projects. The tone we're aiming for is an all-ages Monty Python. That's setting the bar pretty high!

TP: Regarding the teaser comic released at the San Diego Comic Con, will there be a way for Muppet fans to see the art?

PM: BOOM! created a "Muppet Show" preview comic for San Diego Comic-Con that featured 9 pages of Roger's amazing art and hilarious gags. Most of this material is so exclusive, that it will not appear in Roger's first "The Muppet Show" arc. In fact, the preview comic has become a bit of a collector's item. I've seen them on eBay!
TP: How many issues will the first Muppet comic series run?

PM: Roger's first arc will be 4 issues. Issue #1 will focus on Kermit, issue # 2 will put Fozzie in the spotlight, Gonzo will headline issue #3, and Miss Piggy will ham it up in issue #4. Subsequent arcs, including the Muppet parody books, will also have four issue-arcs.

TP: Will there be any promotions attached to the Muppet series?

PM: Certainly! But nothing we can reveal at this point. As you may know, Disney is orchestrating the Muppets' return in a major way, and BOOM! is thrilled to a part of this new Muppet era!
Keep an eye on this space for Part 2 of our Q&A with Paul Morrissey!

Thanks to Paul for chatting with us, and special thanks to BOOM! Studios' Chip Mosher for setting the whole thing up!

Click here for an animated conversation on the ToughPigs forum!

joe.toughpigs@gmail.com

Chef Prøblem

We've heard a lot lately about Disney's big plans for the Muppets in the near future, and it's all very exciting, because it means there will soon be lots of new Muppet stuff for us to buy. I mean, we all love watching new Muppet TV specials and movies and crap like that, but what we really want is more merchandise to take up space in our houses.

I just have one very important request to present to whoever is in charge of these things: Please never use this image of the Swedish Chef again.


I have no idea how long this photo has been around... Since the early 2000s at least, and probably longer. But I've seen it on jigsaw puzzles, coasters, magnets, and various other merchandise for years, and it just showed up on the new 2009 Muppet calendar.

Did nobody at the photo session realize that this pose makes it look like the Chef is smoking a joint? It's practically begging for a quick, effortless PhotoShop job! In fact, I'm going to do an image search right now and show you all the different places on the web where people have taken this shot and turned the Chef into a pothead.

. . .

Huh. Okay. Well, I can't find any. For the first time ever, I'm actually disappointed that the people of the internet have refrained from corrupting one of my favorite family-friendly characters.

But my point still stands! It's not like this is a trademark gesture for the Chef. Has he ever even done this? Usually he uses his hands for much broader movements, like throwing rolling pins, or throwing spoons, or throwing chickens. Basically, he throws stuff. And anyway, it's not like there aren't other, better shots available. What's wrong with this one?


Isn't that better? Why can't that be the default Chef shot? So far all I've done is complain, but I want to help too. So here are my suggestions for Five Other Things for the Swedish Chef to Do with His Hands:

1. Smack a lobster.
   
2. Perform the old "detachable thumb" trick.
3. Juggle.
4. Toss a pizza.
5. Some other thing.

I've made my point, and now it's time to take action. I strongly recommend that all Muppet fans, Swedish or not, join me in aggressively rolling our eyes every time we see that picture from now on. I believe it will make a real difference. Thank you for your time.

Click here to roll up and discuss this article at my favorite joint, the Tough Pigs forum!

ToughPigsRyan@yahoo.com