Halloween Parade 2007!

The tree is lit, the mistletoe is hung, and there's a fat man on the roof. That must mean it's everyone's favorite excuse to eat eggs and throw chocolate (or the other way around): Halloween! It's the time of year when everyone reaches deep into their psyche and pulls out a costume idea that will set the world ablaze. Or at the very least will get your drunken photos onto TMZ.

This year, many people decided to mock what you and I hold most dear by dressing up as their favorite, or least favorite, Muppet characters. Let's take a peek at some of the best and most embarrassing hilarious pictures that I stole from Flickr, shan't we?
Here we've got a couple of giant-headed roommates, Bert and Ernie. C'mon guys, you couldn't find some stripey shirts?
Two extracool points go to this Two-Headed Monster for remembering that the one on the left has horns that go up, while the one on the right has horns that go down.
Boy, that Cookie Monster costume looks warm, doesn't it? I guess Big Bird wouldn't know, since he can't see a damn thing.
Ignore the wolf-in-grandma's-gown, take note of the Swedish Chef. I give an extra point for the bow tie, but I'll take it away again for thinking he has a goatee.
Golden teeth and golden tones (and a few feather boas) make this costume extra nifty.
This Doozer costumes looks more like a chubby construction worker. The confused look on his face make him look like a construction worker who lost his favorite wrench.
I can imagine that a Gonzo costume is near impossible to pull off, so I'll give points for the purple tux, as well as convincing his girlfriend to go as Camilla.
Guess what Elmo's thinking about today? That's right, Elmo! Let's ask a baby what Elmo looks like. Hey baby...
A very strange attempt at a Jim Henson costume. I guess the gray beard means this is 1989 Jim Henson, though I don't understand the Kermit puppet with his neck on fire. Though I really don't get the lady next to him. I'm afraid to ask.
This Pepe costume might be my favorite of the bunch. She's got the extra arms (and the strings to make them work), the blue hoodie, and the spiky hair to simulate antennae. 100 Muppet points to you, King Prawn!
Sweetums in da house! This is one really well-made costume. I want to buy one, then run around town with a suitcase, shouting "Wait up, you guys! I wanna go to Hollywood!"
Statler and Waldorf here get my approval for actually being two old guys. Oh, and the portable balcony doesn't hurt either.
Halloween? Uh huh, uh huh. Book! Book book book. Yip yip yip.

Now let's take a look at some repeated costumes I found. Then we can compare and thrown toilet paper over the house of the loser.
Red Fraggle showed up at a couple of parties. Both Reds have the red shirt/yellow face combo, but only one managed to grow pom-poms on her head. Oh, all for the sake of Halloween!
No Halloween is complete without a few Kermit the Frog impersonators. Kermit #1 gets cool points for bringing his own banjo, though Kermit #2 gets supercool points for actually making her costume out of a green jacket. Nice historical reference, and I'm sure it was completely intentional.
This one's a no brainer. Oscar #3 wins by default for having a trash can without two gangly legs sticking out from the bottom.
And here we've got three sets of Kermits and Piggys. The first pair obviously put a lot of effort into their costumes, while couple #2 looks more bored than if they were watching the Muppet Treasure Island Sing-Along. Of course, the brilliant pairing of a child and a dog makes us all forget that the first two ever existed.
And let's finish up with some group shots. In the first picture, I really enjoy the Yip-Yip Martians, as well as the brave attempt at the Two-Headed Monster. Super Grover and Guy Smiley are neat, but the icing on the cake is... Farley? No, Sherlock Hemlock. No, Green Anything Muppet. Yeah, that's it.
I like the mix of giant heads and real people in this one. Kermit and Piggy are completely awkward, but they look great alongside Lew Zealand, Bunsen and Beaker, and most of the Electric Mayhem. Take note of the failed attempt at Scooter in the back there.
Lastly, a traditional family picture, which I think is way too adorable for words. The hand-made Oscar does it for me, though I doubt he'd much enjoy living in a Rubbermade can.

That's all for this year! Happy tricking and happy treating! Save a Mars Bar for me.

Click here to dress up like a frog on the ToughPigs forum!

Panwapa!

Panwapa. It sounds tasty, doesn't it? Well, you can't eat it. But the good news is that it's a new Sesame Workshop venture and it has Muppets in it! Panwapa (the name comes from a word that means "Here on this earth" in the Tshiluba language) is designed for kids aged four to seven, and its goal is to encourage "global citizenship" and a general awareness of the big ol' world out there. That's a pretty tall order, but if anyone can do it, Sesame Workshop can.

The show will debut on PBS Kids Sprout (which is available as a digital cable channel and video on-demand) in a few months, and there's already an official website and an episode available for free download on the iTunes music store: Just go to the iTunes store and search for "Panwapa"... and then a few days later, you'll get a receipt showing that you paid $0.00 for it. (Just don't be a wiseguy and ask for a refund.) It just so happens that I am a child aged four to seven, so I decided to check out what Panwapa has to offer.

Mashed Potatoes

We're living in a glorious golden age of free, legal video downloads, aren't we? For absolutely no cost, you get no less than 48 minutes worth of brand-new content. Such a thing never existed until the internet age! Um, unless you count broadcast television, which has been around for 126 years now.

But wait... is this show called Panwapa or Panwapa Island? The bouncy theme song (which mostly consists of a guy singing the word "hello" in about 20 different languages -- original lyrics by the Lonely Planet Tourist's Phrasebook, apparently) talks about "Panwapa Island," but the title screen just says Panwapa, so that's what I'm going to call it. If you have a problem with that, I encourage you to write a letter to your Congressperson.

The show has a whole new cast of Muppet characters, most performed by veteran Sesame Street Muppeteers, so there's a comforting feeling of familiarity even though this is not actually a Sesame thing. It's like if you cooked up some homemade mashed potatoes from your beloved grandmother's old recipe, eating them would make you would feel all warm and happy like you were at your Grandma's house even though you weren't. I guess what I'm trying to say is, Panwapa is mashed potatoes.

Monsters Are Scary... or Are They?

As the episode begins, Azibo the monster (performed by Kevin Clash) is very excited because he's just arrived at his new home on Panwapa Island. We later learn that Panwapa Island doesn't have a permanent location -- it floats all over the globe, which is pretty cool. I picture it drifting around the ocean, bouncing between South America and Africa like the square in an epic game of Pong.

The first person Aizbo meets on the island is Koko the penguin (performed by Leslie Carrera), which makes sense. If there's one thing the Muppets have taught us, it's that penguins are perfectly comfortable in any climate. Ah, but Koko has never seen a monster before, so at the sight of Azibo she becomes black and white and FREAKED OUT all over. Koko runs aways screaming.

Azibo next attempts to introduce himself to Bill the bug, who is also terrified, and Tungar the tiger, who immediately drenches him with pepper spray. Okay, that last part's not true, but Tungar flees in terror just like the others.

You know, I get that this whole story depends on the fact that the Panwapans are afraid of Azibo the first time they see him, but it's kind of hard to accept because he's such a cute, fuzzy, friendly thing. I like his lime-sherbet fur and the way the little hairs sway when he moves his head. I'm not afraid of him; I want a plush toy of him to put on my mantel (just as soon as I get a fireplace). On the other hand, I think I'd be mighty frightened if I ran into a tiger or a giant talking bug , but maybe I'm thinking too much. Maybe.

Listen to the Owl

Fortunately, that's when Athena the owl shows up, and she explains what's going on just as Azibo is ready to say, Stop the island, I want to get off. Athena tells Azibo, "They've never seen a monster before, and what you don't know can scare you." Ah, now I get it. And it makes sense... I don't know anything about trigonometry, and it scares the crap out of me.

Athena encourages Azibo to try again to make friends with everyone. She gives him a pep talk. "Show me some monster pride -- puff out your chest, lift up your head, pound on your chest, hop on one foot! Perfectly prideful!" Then she convinces him that "Just because you're a little different doesn't mean you can't be friends." Athena is a feathered fortune cookie. Say... isn't it a stereotype that owls are wise? Doesn't that kind of go against the whole non-judgmental mission of this show? Ah, forget it -- I don't think anyone gives a hoot about offending owls anyway.

Azibo tries again to be friendly, and this time it works! So there you have it, kids -- if the other boys and girls on the playground won't play with you, just keep asking until you wear them down. They will become your friends and will by no means make you eat paste. So then everyone sings "We Can All Get Along," which I assume is an original composition. There are other songs later in the show, and they all have similar themes about tolerance and community spirit.

The message of "People can get along even if they're different" is a good one. It's one that Muppets taught us 20 years ago on Fraggle Rock, and it's been used on Bear in the Big Blue House and Sesame Street. But apparently it hasn't sunk in yet, because we still need Muppets to remind us. Maybe this time we'll learn.

We Come From France

After this, Azibo shows everyone his "Panwapa card" and then Athena shows us hers (Her favorite animal is a cat. Shouldn't it be, like, live mice?). The cool thing is that you can make your own Panwapa card on the website. Here's my Panwapa Kid with his own customized Panwapa coat-of-arms. I'm interested in cats and tacos! Do you like my hat?


And then there's a filmed segment with two little girls from France telling us about their trip around the world. Nothing says "entertainment" like looking at some strangers' vacation pictures. But this seems to be the structure of the show... You get a story about the Muppet characters, and then you get a segment about some real kids from various countries. It's sort of like if Sesame Street were half Global Grover, half street scenes, and no counting to eleven.

I've only talked about the first ten minutes so far. The rest of the show follows the same pattern, but I'll let you discover it on your own (for free!). I haven't told you about the Panwapans enountering snow, or playing in a public domain song cover band, or Azibo naming a nonexistent new nation after himself... heck, I haven't even mentioned the three other characters... they're SHEEP!

After watching the free episode of Panwapa I felt like running out and making friends with everyone in the whole wide world, even if they speak a different language or have different traditions or wear T-shirts with really stupid slogans. I guess my only real criticism was that it could be funnier... It just didn't give me as many hearty, well-earned chuckles as the average episode of Sesame Street.

I don't know exactly how they're planning to present this show on TV -- they could just as easily run it in fifteen minute bursts or in a compilation of segments like the iTunes download -- but I'm guessing not a lot of people are going to see this show on Kids Sprout, which probably has a lot fewer subscribers than, say, the Sumo Wrestlers' Macaroni Art Shopping Network. But I hope they get the chance to keep up the good work and maybe expand the world of the show a bit. And then they can get around to making that Azibo doll for my mantel.

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Making Sense of Muppets

Most people, both Muppet fans and otherwise, have access to their five basic senses. Seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling, touching. That's five. Count 'em yourself if you don't believe me. But there is a sixth sense which Muppet fans have and all other mundies yearn for. I call this sense, The Sixth Sense. Catchy, no?

Now you may be asking yourself, "What is this Sixth Sense? And how do I know if I have it? And how are my thoughts being projected into a Muppet blog?" These are all valid questions, though we'll only have time for the first two.

Before we delve into the fascinating world of heightened senses, let's take a look at the original five. See what I did there? We're taking a look! That's one of the senses! I'm so clever.

The truth is, a Muppet fan's perspective on almost all things is different from the rest of the world. For example, a Muppet fan does not see things. A Muppet fan chooses a set of eyes from a drawer to go with his or her character for the day. Also acceptable options are a hat that covers the eyes or a pair of glasses with no eyeballs.

Much like Howie Mandel, Muppet fans don't talk about touching. We talk about our feelings. Nothing more than feelings.

Our sense of smell is another thing entirely. All Muppet fans know that not everyone has a nose. And yet, some people have noses in abundance. Then, there's the lucky few with detachable noses (for narrow garages).

All Muppet fans know that one does not necessarily need ears to be able to hear. This is especially true if one is a frog, a monster, a grouch, a dinger, a snuffleupagus, a fraggle, a chicken, a musician, or a boomerang fish thrower.

And there's little that Muppet fans are more familiar with than bad taste.

For those of you who are skimming this article, here is a visual representation of the first five senses, according to a Muppet fan.

As for The Sixth Sense, it is the ability to sense Muppets wherever they are. Confused? Rightfully so. A Muppet fan with this talent can look down the aisle of a toy store and immediately spot the lone Grover toy on the shelf. This person can open a book and his or her eyes will be immediately drawn to the word "Henson." This person can skim through a magazine and stop on the ad for Fraggle Rock DVDs. The sensation is automatic and unconscious, and it comes in handy when browsing for used Sesame Street books.

But how, I say, how do you check to see if you have this superpower? I have set up a series of tests so you can deduce whether or not you possess The Sixth Sense.

First, scan the article below. Do NOT read it, but scan it with your eyes. See if you can spot the Muppet references quickly.

Once upon a time, there was a guy named Jim Hanson. Hanson loved muffins, and he loved puppets. Muffins and puppets, puppets and muffins. He wasn't too keen on frog juggling. No sir, there was no frog jugglers to be had. Sometimes he would indulge in sesame seeds. Maybe sesame seeds on his muffin. Maybe he'd juggle sesame muffins. But probably not. Or maybe his friend Karmin would juggle Hanson's sesame muffins. So, to recap, puppet-fan Hanson's sesame muffins will be frog-juggled by Karmin. Henson's fraggle sesame street kermit muppets with fries. Juggling sesame muffins by Karmin for puppet Hanson. Hanson puppets juggle frogs for Karmin's sesame muffins. The gray squirrel eats acorns at midnight.

Did you catch the Muppet references? How long did it take you? That long, huh? Well, maybe you'll have more luck with the next test.

In this test, there are 100 images. Hidden in the faces are 10 Muppets. See how fast you can spot them all! Well? What are you doing still reading this? Go find Muppets!!
Did you find all ten? Hooray! Now for the final part of the test. Blindfold yourself and go to your local toy store. Wait, maybe you should blindfold yourself after driving to the toy store. Now, ask the elderly toy store employee to lead you to the preschool toy aisle. As fast as you can, rip off your blindfold and purchase at least $50 worth of Sesame Street merchandise. I would suggest the TMX Cookie Monster and anything with that adorable Abby Cadabby on it. Then run it back home and mail them to: Joe, c/o ToughPigs.com, Anytown, USA.

Did you do it? Well then congratulations, you just confirmed that you indeed have The Sixth Sense! Please be advised, you must follow the sacred code that goes along with having The Sixth Sense. You must never use your powers for evil. If the need arises, you may don tights and a cape to fight crime, but only if there isn't already a Superman knockoff in your hometown. And lastly, be excellent to each other.
Click here to smell this article on the ToughPigs forum!

TMX-Men

After the not-so-surprising success of Tickle-Me-Elmo's younger brother, TMX Elmo, last Christmas, Sesame Workshop is following up with two new TMX characters. TMX Ernie and TMX Cookie Monster will be available in your grocer's freezer this fall at the not-so-pricey price of $40 each. They're a little bit smaller than your run-of-the-mill TMX Elmo, but $10 cheaper than the red giggler was last year.

Click here to see videos of TMX Ernie and Cookie in action. Ernie's laugh isn't quite what I expected, but I'd imagine it'd be tough to keep his signature guffaw going for two full minutes. The Cookie Monster, however, is a gem. He's hilarious, what with his "Me have to roll over this way" and "Me have to roll over that way". I'd buy him faster than Cookie can go through a white chocolate macadamia nut macaroon.
Click here to ROFL over this article on the ToughPigs forum!