Live Action Puppets!

As a well-connected Muppet fan, chances are that you have heard the big news. No, not that Thog was appointed as George W. Bush's new press secretary. The Fraggle Rock movie is officially in pre-pre-preproduction! Ok, maybe that’s old news for those of us who read about it two years ago, but it’s always nice to see something new when you do a Google search for “Fraggle”.

Earlier this month, The Weinstein Company announced that they’ll be distributing the upcoming Fraggle flick. Their press release states that the movie will be a “live action musical rebirth of [a] classic television franchise.” Unfortunately, many bloggers out in Internetopia didn’t bring their dictionaries to the table, and lost the meaning of “live action.” And while we’d all like to believe that Fraggles are alive and breathing, puppetry is still a live-action medium.

But now that the question has been raised, who could you see in a live-action-people-not-puppets Fraggle Rock film? Well, hold your questions til the end, because I did all the heavy lifting for you (not to mention all the metaphor-mixing).

The Fraggle Five

Gobo is our everyman, willing to jump into adventure head-first. Who better to fill his non-shoes than Owen Wilson? He’ll give some Frat Pack notability to the movie, plus he’s wily enough to get that postcard out of the trash without getting caught by a giant dog.

I chose Lisa Kudrow as Mokey, since they both enjoy singing at odd times. Plus, they’re both a little bit aloof. Can’t go wrong with aloof.

Wembley, the indecisive everybody’s-pal of the group will be played by Matthew Lillard. Matt already has some Muppet-interaction under his belt, and he’s probably dying to share a room with Owen Wilson.

I opted for Alyson Hannigan as Red. And all the time, I assumed it would end up as a pretty funny joke. But she’s actually pretty cute with the pom-pom pigtails. And once I was all done with the photoshopping, I didn’t feel like going back with someone funnier. So you’re stuck with it.

Everyone’s favorite downer, Boober, will be played by Bill Murray, whose recent roles in Lost in Translation, Broken Flowers, and just about every Wes Anderson movie have awarded him with being the most depressed character actor in film today. Plus, I hear he really loves doing his own laundry.

The Gorgs

That foreboding presence! That booming voice! Who else could play Pa Gorg than John Goodman? Y’know, other than Jerry Nelson and Gord Robertson. Go rent King Ralph and tell me that you can’t see Goodman as the King of the Universe. I dare ya.

There’s only one woman who’d be able to rule house and home for a Gorg family, and that’s Kathy Bates. Just pretend you didn’t see her naked in About Schmidt, and pretend that she won’t look like the creepy-eyed Ma from the first season of Fraggle Rock. And whatever you do, don't picture season 1 Ma naked.

There’s already a large, dim-witted butterfingers on TV today, and he’s on My Name is Earl. Ethan Suplee would fit right in as Junior Gorg. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he goes Fraggle-hunting in his spare time.

Everyone else

I would not be surprised if Traveling Matt’s antics were inspired by Gene Wilder’s home movies. Besides the fact that they have the same hairstyle, they both have that confused brilliance that earns them the reward of newfound knowledge (at the risk of a few cuts and bruises along the way). Also, did you know that Traveling Matt was the original choice for the lead in Haunted Honeymoon? It's a made-up fact!

Doc, being the only “real” character in outer space will be the only one not played by an actor. Instead, Grandpa from The Simpsons will fill the role as Tinkerer of the Year. Sprocket will be played by Eddie the dog from Frasier, because c’mon, that is one cute dog.

Ok, maybe I took it a little too far with Verne Troyer as a Doozer. But it was either him or Dakota Fanning, and Troyer lost the toss.

After looking at these images, I am thanking the Frog left and right for the fact that “live action” includes puppets. Seriously, nobody wants to see Ben Stiller and Jack Black as Philo and Gunge. It’s not good for your soul.

Special thanks to ToughPigs’ own Anthony for his assistance on this article!

Click here to cast Large Marvin on the ToughPigs forum!

The Muppet Show Season 3: Good For Me, Good For America

Season 3 of The Muppet Show comes out on DVD May 20, which is TODAY! Or, depending on when you read this, yesterday. Or two days ago or three days ago or five years ago if you read this in 2013. But the point is, I'm happier than a termite at a ventriloquist's dummy convention about the new DVDs, and I can't wait to hold Fozzie's huge face in my hands.

The season three shows I'm familiar with are full of hilarious/bizarre stuff. Pigs sing in Hawaiian! Gonzo falls in love with Big Bird! Miss Piggy sells her soul to a rock star! All these moments are terrific, but they're not the only reason I'm jazzed. See, I've been looking over the list of episodes over at Muppet Wiki, and I realized that almost half of these are episodes I've never seen before.

The third season was when The Muppet Show got all country & western, so many of the new-to-me episodes are the ones guest-starring country singers, like Kris Kristofferson (whose hits include "Help Me Make It Through the Night"), Roy Clark (whose hits include "Yesterday When I Was Young"), and Jean Stapleton (whose hits include "Boot Scootin' Boogie").

Other never-seen-by-me episodes include the ones guest-starring Cheryl Ladd, who is my third favorite Charlie's Angel, and Elke Sommer, whom I know nothing about. I think she's an actress, unless "Elke" is a man's name, in which case she's probably not an actress.

Maybe one of these episodes will have the funniest Veterinarian's Hosptial sketch ever. Maybe one of them will feature a musical number that will become my new favorite Muppet song. Maybe some of the non-comedian guest stars will surprise and delight me with their ability to share the stage with Muppets. I won't know until I watch the DVDs. Still, I can be certain of one thing: I will like these episodes of The Muppet Show.

I don't have to tell you that these are uncertain times we live in. Prices are up on every single thing that costs money, the airline industry and the housing market are both in dire straits, and nobody knows just what is wrong with Paula Abdul.

So it's incredibly comforting to know that I can purchase season three of The Muppet Show secure in the knowledge that it will be a good investment. I have no idea what gas prices will be tomorrow, but I know that The Muppet Show will make me chuckle and snicker and guffaw and sing along. When I get my DVDs home today, I can forget about plagues, famine and pestilence for a while and just get a kick out of Fozzie's bumbling attempts to write the script for the Harry Belafonte episode.

In these trying times, the Muppets are a sure thing. I, for one, plan on voting for these new DVDs for president in 2008, and I invite you all to do the same. Frog bless America.

Click here to discuss the season 3 DVDs on the Tough Pigs forum!

ToughPigsRyan@yahoo.com

Unforgetting the Muppets

If you have access to popular media in just about any form (and you’re reading this article, so that’s a pretty good indicator), you’ve probably heard at least one reference to Jason Segel’s private parts recently. The writer and star of the new Apatow-gang comedy Forgetting Sarah Marshall forgoes his inhibitions in the name of his art repeatedly over the course of the film. Which brings only one question to the minds of Tough Pigs everywhere: Will he do the same for the Muppets?

What you may not have seen in the movie trailers, but have read in just about every interview Segel has given on the subject, is his new favorite story. It begins with the Henson Company designing puppets for a scene in Sarah Marshall, continues with Segel asking the Henson folks and then a roomful of Disney representatives what forthcoming projects to expect from the Muppets, then includes a moment of Segel’s anguish at the Muppets’ hackneyed abuse in recent years (“Enough with Muppets in the Old West and Muppets Underwater,” he’ll usually sigh at this point), and culminates with Segel signing on with fanboyish glee to write his very own Muppet movie.

Let Muppet enthusiasts everywhere rejoice! With Segel (and by extension, comedy hitmaker Judd Apatow) backing the project, nothing could possibly stand in the Muppets’ way! Unlike that America’s Next Muppet reality show and that Bert and Ernie travel series and the Fraggle Rock movie, this promise might actually deliver. Or will it? Now that we’ve seen Forgetting Sarah Marshall, how much excitement can we allow ourselves over this curious new prospect?

The nail-biters among us cringe. A novice to this genre, I wasn’t fully prepared for the degree of unabashed vulgarity in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. Even though I laughed throughout, part of me wondered whether the same mind that just made a herpes joke could write in the Vaudevillian house style of the Muppets – rotten puns, corny gags and all. What if the "pearl necklace" joke in all the trailers were to be recast on our favorite pearl-wearing swine? Is the world ready for foam rubber full frontal?

Then again, Segel consistently touts his eagerness to return the Muppets to their roots. Reluctant to admit Muppets Tonight-era characters into his plans, Segel comes off as something of a Luddite; he’d rather see his old pals back in the spotlight, acting in their own story rather than in a recycled plot à la Muppet Treasure Island. He’s made abundantly clear that in his movie, the Muppets play only themselves, putting on a show to save their theater and featuring a healthy dose of celebrity cameos.

Let’s see how this sentiment plays out in Forgetting Sarah Marshall. As per Segel's vision, the movie features plenty of familiar faces. These actors, including many of Segel's friends now clamoring for Muppet movie cameos, look familiar in 2008 - but Muppet fans have cause to hold out for larger-than-life stars. (Feel free, incidentally, to join the hubbub over an expected Charles Grodin cameo and then name your top celebrity cameo choice on the Tough Pigs forum.) It’s all very well to see Kenneth from 30 Rock basically playing himself in Sarah Marshall, but will it stand the test of time in the manner of Joan Rivers powdering Piggy’s nose?

While we're on the subject of keeping the material timeless, I'd like to pitch my own plea for Segel to resist the temptation to write overtly topical material (i.e. no Miley Cyrus jokes). The Muppets became famous performing passé old songs; they risked irrelevance when nearly-outdated pop culture references became the easiest way to entertain. As Segel well knows, the Muppets revolve around more than gags; it's the particular wackiness of each character that makes the whole package funny. The Forgetting Sarah Marshall characters mostly fit this bill, ranging from believable (the hero, a self-destructive schmo), to regrettably predictable (the two lead females), to a supporting cast of genuinely amusing, almost Muppety in their singularity, one-note buffoons.

To Segel’s credit, the warm-heartedness and essential good cheer at the center of the more beloved Muppet projects show in the tone of Sarah Marshall. The movie pares the population of the Turtle Bay resort down to a handful of guests and employees, all interacting as though no one else were present, all running into only each other and making neighborly inquiries after each other's shockingly public sex lives. Even the celebrity hotel guests play along and mingle with the commoners. It's like watching a Love Boat episode, only with more reasonable hairstyles. If the Muppets were here, they’d even have their own ready-made Gopher.

All signs indicate Jason Segel’s intentions to be pure. We know for certain that he’s sick of Muppets Underwater (and after the third or fourth time reading an interview that references this fictional folly, so are the rest of us – though I estimate that it would stand a decent chance of rating higher than The Muppets’ Wizard of Oz on the watchability scale). If nothing else, the numerous Muppet references throughout Sarah Marshall, not to mention the Henson Company-heavy Dracula musical at the movie’s conclusion, reveal a deep-seated affection for puppets in Segel. His reported childhood admiration for Kermit touched even my curmudgeonly old heart. After ensuring that no one forgets Sarah Marshall, can Jason Segel be trusted to retrieve the Muppets from oblivion, too?

Click here to make your own cameo on the Tough Pigs forum!

Sesame 39: Guest Star Poll

Season 39 of Sesame Street is coming to PBS this summer, and we're all vibrating fiercely with excitement. As usual, it's going to be a star-studded affair, and we've already seen announcements about several celebrities who will be dropping by the neighborhood to educate, entertain, and maybe grab a milkshake at Hooper's.

Which celebrity appearance do you think will be the coolest? Will it be Canadian rocker Feist, who is reportedly doing a variation on her hit "1234"? Will it be LL Cool J, whose very last name has often been the Letter of the Day?

What about David Beckham, who will be teaching Elmo the meaning of the word "persistence" as only a Spice Girl-marrying soccer star can? Maybe Sandra Oh of Grey's Anatomy will be the highlight of the season, as she portrays the Cookie Fairy. Ah, but Neil Patrick Harris just might top her -- he's playing "the greatest fairy in the world," the Fairy Shoeperson.

I know which one I'm most looking forward to, but which one are YOU anticipating? Let us know by dropping by the Tough Pigs forum to answer the very important question: "Which upcoming celebrity appearance on Sesame Street is gonna be the awesomest?"

Click here to place your vote in this poll on the Tough Pigs forum! (Hey, didn't I just say that?)

ToughPigsRyan@yahoo.com