Muppets What Could Have Been

Over at the ViewAskew.com message boards (insert Silly Bob/Charles Barklay joke here), writer Brian Lynch was asked about his script for a new Muppet movie that was bought by the Henson Company back in 1999 and never made. The movie was called "The Next Muppet Movie," which is already a much better sequel title than "Back to the Future II."

But don't take my word for it, take Levar Burton's, who said "But don't take my word for it." Here's Brian's words, spoiling away at a movie that was never made.

The name of it was THE NEXT MUPPET MOVIE, and it was the same universe as THE MUPPET MOVIE, only years and years later, and the Muppets were hugely successful and some were getting kind of spoiled. Kermit's trying to keep them together and he's stressing out.

Anyway, an evil Hollywood agent signs the Muppets and starts putting them in solo movies and TV shows (Gonzo is the next James Bond and the next Batman, the Electric Mayhem goes Marilyn Manson-y after Animal starts a solo rap career, that kinda thing).

Kermit has to pull together a makeshift band of Muppets (Robin, Rizzo, Pepe, Bean Bunny, Digit from THE JIM HENSON HOUR, etc.) to re-start the Muppet show.

Eventually Kermit figures out the Agent had an ulterior motive in breaking up the Muppets, goes to confront the Agent, gets kidnapped, and the original Muppets have to work with the newbies to save him. The ending involves a lot of Ninjas, a giant Elephant, a seven foot Kermit, and Gonzo saving the day by crashing through the skylight in his Batman gear.

The Agent runs away, the Muppets all come back together, everyone is happy...

...but at the very end, we see the Agent gets dropped off by a taxi, fully ready to try to break up a new group. As he walks away, we pan out and reveal he's on Sesame Street.

Cameos were from Pierce Brosnan, John Cleese, Mary Tyler Moore, Marilyn Manson, all the Sesame Street Characters, Mr. Rogers, the Teletubbies...it was epic.

I talked to Michael Keaton once who had read the script and wanted to meet me because of it. I asked him to play the agent if it ever got made, and he said that would be cool. I'm very sorry it didn't get made.

That's the most I've ever spoiled about it. It was like a purging.

Wow, lookit what we could have had! I'm sure Digit's agent is kicking himself now.

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