NicheMuppet, Part Two

This is part two of two of NicheMuppet. Click here to read part one! And now, some more made-up Muppets.

Skinny Blue, created by Quinn R
Target audience: Celebrities

Quinn says: "Skinny Blue" is a Paparazzi weasel who's new to Sesame Street. The paparazzi realized that Sesame Street was a magnet for celebrities, and sent this blue-furred cretin to get some exclusive pictures. Somehow he became convinced that Oscar was related to the Academy Awards, and won't leave him alone. With all the spoiled starlets out there, I figured that Sesame Street needs to make them feel like paparazzi are okay and misunderstood, much like Count von Count and Cookie Monster did for vampires and googly-eyed beasts.

Upside-Down Steve, created by Joe H
Target audience: Kids who walk on their hands

Joe says: You know what kids really love? Walking on their hands! You know what they love even more? Muppets who walk on their hands! Upside-down Steve has been walking on his hands for so long, he has forgotten how to walk upright. Oh, that crazy Steve! Most of his storylines involve looking for his missing shoe, which is ironic since he has no need for shoes.

Sister Mary Monster, created by Michal R
Target audience: Viewers seeking wholesomeness
Michal says: If you've taken part in the recent clamoring for a return to family values on television, we'd like to direct your full attention to Sister Mary Monster. Mary occasionally stops in at Hooper's for a nice, tall glass of milk, but generally tends to mind her own business unless someone needs something to count. She doesn't drink, she doesn't smoke, she doesn't swear, and she doesn't engage in premarital sex. Or sex of any sort. Which, considering that she's a Muppet, should be a given, but a surprising number of viewers consider this guarantee extremely valuable.

Reggie Monster, created by Leighanne M
Target audience: Sticklers

Leighanne says: Meet Reggie the Monster, who loves rules & regulations and makes his living updating them to suit the modern stickler. One of his favorite topics is food safety regulations, and he's lobbying hard to get the Five Second Rule legally amended to .05 seconds for barber shops.

Artie, created by Kyle W
Target audience: Artists

Kyle says: Artie is a full body Muppet character with brownish fur. He loves to draw and paint. He moved to Sesame Street from Paris, and he wears a striped white and red shirt and a beret. He's a little older than Big Bird, and has always wanted to be a famous artist. He's fun but also doesn't like criticism. Artie is fond of Baby Bear, who loves to draw with him. They both enjoy having fun with Hero Guy, and Artie really enjoys living on Sesame Street.

Naked Nate, created by Ryan R
Target audience: Nudists

Ryan says: Although characters like Big Bird and Snuffy never wear clothes, Nate will be the first humanoid Muppet to go au naturale. He just prefers to be nude, that's all. Like most Sesame Street Muppets, Nate is normally only seen from the waist up, so there’s no need for concern over indecent exposure. But if the script ever calls for a wide shot, Nate’s unmentionable areas can simply be blocked out with a black censoring bar, which may be adorned with the number or letter of the day. Nate loves grabbing lunch at Hooper’s Store, but he’s run up a massive tab because he never has any cash on him, due to the fact that a naked dude has no pockets.

Unseen Muppet, created by Quinn R
Target audience: Agoraphobes

Quinn says: This Muppet is really just a pair of eyes up in a window on Sesame Street--an agoraphobe who would like to be out playing with Elmo, Big Bird, and others, but can't bring himself to come out of his apartment and interact with them. Sometimes we catch a glimpse of him, but he's usually just out of sight. This will send a message of some kind to the agoraphobic children of the U.S. that yes, they have a problem, but there are millions of others out there just like them. In their apartments.

Milkie, created by Joe H
Target audience: POG collectors

Joe: The year is 1992 and POGs are all the rage! Every kid in America had to collect as many as they could and bury their friends in the fiercest of competitions. There was no badge more honorable than that of your favorite pop culture characters and actors on small circular bits of cardboard. So Sesame Workshop created a Muppet to cater to POG-loving kids. Unfortunately, Milkie debuted in the fall of 1999, long after the death of both the POG fad and the retro-POG fad. Milkie is currently living out her days at the Muppet Workshop, keeping a wobbly desk stable.

Guitar Hero Guy, created by Michal R
Target audience: Guitar Hero experts

Michal says: For the all the Guitar Hero addicts out there who would watch Sesame Street, if only they could wrench their fingers away from their consoles long enough to change the channel, Guitar Hero Guy is not necessarily eager to be your friend, unless you’ve brought your own controller. Muppets and humans alike from the Sesame gang periodically approach this enigmatic little animated fellow, hoping to cajole him into singing the Alphabet Song or even to eat lunch, only to be rebuffed with remarks usually lost under the deafening strains of a Van Halen cover.

Connie, created by Leighanne M
Target audience: Muppet performers

Leighanne says: Here’s Connie, who’s more tailored to a certain demographic of Muppeteers than viewers: those darlin’ performers must get awfully tired some days, so Connie’s here for the good folks who just need to lie down and work their Muppet magic from a prone position..

Maxwell P. Stache, created by Ryan R
Target audience: Children with moustaches

Ryan: Kids these days are growing up faster than ever, and that means more and more of them have moustaches. Maxwell allows the Sesame writers to cover topics such as moustache-growing, moustache-grooming, and moustache-having. And through the marvels of modern puppet wizardry, Maxwell’s moustache can actually move. Look for “Moustache-Dancin’ Maxwell” to be the next massively successful, must-have toy craze. And depending on what market research reveals, the show could introduce a sister for Maxwell, to appeal to all those little girls out there with beards.

And that wraps it up. Thanks to everyone who submitted characters!

Click here to comment on this article on the Tough Pigs forum!

NicheMuppet: Part One

How many under-served demographic groups could there possibly be in the potential Sesame Street viewing audience? Based on the data we now have available to us here at Tough Pigs, my informed, scientific answer is: a whole bunch. I asked for ideas for new Sesame Muppets designed to reach very specific sections of the TV audience (kinda like how Abby Cadabby was calculated to appeal to little girls), and I got some doozies. If Sesame Workshop wants to stay relevant in this age of narrowcasting, they should snap up the rights to each and every one of these characters.

Now let’s see what you came up with. This is part one of two; part two can be found here.

Minesweeper Grouch, created by Joe H
Target audience: Minesweeper addicts

Joe says: 85% of all kids today learn their 123s from Minesweeper. It's a fact. So why not make a lovable Sesame character for them? The Minesweeper Grouch is Oscar's Ukrainian comrade who, under cover of night, plants flags and question marks where he thinks numbers might be buried. His motivation is unknown, but the residents of Sesame Street feel safer knowing they won't be blown up by a mine when they go outside.

Zefrem, created by Quinn R
Target audience: Polygamists

Quinn says: Zefrem the Polygamist Rabbit and his wives are recent move-ins to Sesame Street. They've lived on a remote compound for most of their lives, and are enthralled at all the big city has to offer. There are thousands of polygamist children in the United States, and finally getting a "plig" Muppet on Sesame Street would be a real coup. They make fast friends with The Count, who's delighted at the many different ways the rabbits can breed. And inbreed.

I-Can-Sing-All-of-Rent-Monster, created by Michal R
Target audience: Rock musical devotees

Michal says: Can you sing all of Rent? Of course not; you’ve got better things to memorize, like the complete works of Gertrude Stein. But without thinking too hard, you can probably come up with half a dozen friends who, when reminded of a single lyric from the much-ballyhooed rock opera, proceed to sing straight through to the show’s end without hesitation. Who’s to stop these suggestible souls from similarly devoting themselves to Sesame Street? Enter I-Can-Sing-All-of-Rent-Monster, a charming gal with an enchanting laugh, a lilting singing voice, and the most visually arresting pair of pants this side of Fourteenth Street. You won’t be able to turn away. No one will.

The Irographs, created by Leighanne M
Target audience: Chart lovers

Leighanne says: This illustration has been brought to you today by the Irographs: Malleable little Muppets aimed at people who enjoy both (a) irony and (b) charts. Here they’re representing the different kinds of pies that people like, only they’re not doing it as a pie chart.

Monster Muppet Fan, created by Chris S
Target audience: Muppet geeks

Chris says: A huge fan of all the non-human characters that populate Sesame Street, Monster Muppet Fan is known to sit at his computer for hours at a time looking up every minute detail of his fellow Muppets’ lives. When he does leave his room, it's usually to follow his furry friends around, take notes on what they're up to or plans they are making, and then go home to post all about it his blog: "The Monster Muppet Fan Site".

He is also known to carry around his trusty video and still cameras to catch his friends in the act of not sharing, messing up the alphabet, or
forgetting their numbers and then posting the incriminating evidence on TMZ.com. Because of this, he is sometimes referred as "Paparazzo Monster". The only other reason Monster Muppet Fan will venture outdoors is to pick up the latest merchandise based on his Muppet friends, have them autograph it, then display his new found possessions in his room for the world (AKA him) to see.

Accessories: Video camera, Still Photography camera with wide angle zoom lens, Computer with high speed internet connection, specially configured laptop with harness to walk and blog at the same time, thick horned rimmed glass.

Appearance: Sometimes mistaken for Harvey Monster.

Cigarilla, created by Ryan R
Target audience: Cigar smokers

Ryan says: Not once in the history of Sesame Street has there been a Muppet who smoked cigars. Now there's Cigarilla, a cheroot-puffing gorilla who will finally fill that void and bring in all the formerly estranged smokers in TV-viewer land. His educational potential is considerable – he can build triangles, squares and rectangles out of cigars, he can teach the letter S (for stogie, smoke and stench), and kids will have lots of fun counting his hacking coughs. Unfortunately, we'll never know what kind of chemistry he might have with other characters, because none of the other Muppets can stand to be around him.

Tanner Monster, created by Anthony S
Target audience: 7^th graders

(Tanner was absent on picture day)

Anthony says: This Muppet is enthusiastic and friendly, but his ever-changing body keeps him from being as outgoing as he'd like. He can often be found counting the new hairs under his arms. Rosita makes him feel strange, and he doesn't know why. Ideally he would be played by John Tartaglia.

Tuna Salad, created by Joe H
Target audience: Picky eaters

Joe says: The Tuna Salad Muppet is for kids who aren't big fans of their regular fruits and veggies. Sure, there have always been Muppet characters like Broccoli, Scallions, Tomatoes, Apples, Grapes, and the like. But as the first Muppet to represent fish, celery, and mayonnaise all in one character, more kids will be chowing down on this deli-friendly snack in no time!

Benjamin Beaver, created by Quinn R
Target audience: (see below)

Quinn says: Benjamin Beaver's mother has Baron von Munchhausen Syndrome, so she makes lots of trips to Gina's veterinarian clinic. She doesn't ever really need to make them, but she's sure that Benjamin is sick, and she needs the attention herself. Benjamin likes Gina's office, and even though he doesn't start out sick, he usually ends up with a case of chicken pox or bird flu by the time he leaves.

Gus the Amicable Zombie, created by Michal R
Target audience: Zombies

Michal says: I can’t tell you how many times a member of the undead community has approached me on the street and said, unprovoked, “Gosh, Michal, I’d love to become a regular Sesame Street viewer, and perhaps even contribute vast sums of the fortune left to me by my late self to the public broadcasting cause, but I just feel so… so alienated. We’re talking about a show that regularly features monsters, a mammoth-like creature who can turn invisible, and an abominable giant bird. My goodness, they’ve even got a vampire with a daily segment – and yet the zombie population has never even merited a walk-on spot. I’ve never felt so insulted in all my undead life.”

Won’t someone think of the zombies? Won’t someone PLEASE THINK OF THE ZOMBIES?


That's it for part one, but click here to read part two! Click here to discuss this article on the Tough Pigs forum!

Fraggle Rock s.3 Out Today!

Don't be so glum, chum! Today's the big day! You know, the day. From the calendar. The calendar with the days in it.

Today is the day when the third season of Fraggle Rock is released onto DVD. So go to your local Best Boy, Circular City, or Virginia Mega Store and pick it up before a Gorg catches you.

Where else can you see a Philo and Gunge-centric episode? Or Fraggle fraternity hazing? Or another Philo and Gunge-centric episode? How about some of your favorite characters, like Uncle Gobo, Begoony, and the triumphant return of Wander McMooch!

So get out there and buy some DVDs, or else you may end up like the Fraggles below. It's not a threat, just an insistent reminder.

Click here to do the Trash Heap's bidding and discuss this article on the ToughPigs forum!

NicheMuppet: Extension!

This just in! The deadline for NicheMuppet has been extended to Wednesday, September 12! NicheMuppet is the reader participation thingy where you come up with a new Sesame Street Muppet designed to appeal to a very specific demographic, be it a Muppet with a particular job or hobby or whatever.

If you need inspiration, consider Leo the Party Monster, a Sesame character who actually existed. All he cared about was partying, so he was destined to be a big hit with all the rave-goers in the audience. Except that the ravers probably stayed up late, which meant they couldn't get up to watch Sesame Street in the morning, which is probably why Leo the Party Monster didn't stick around very long.

But you get the idea. Send a description of your character, and a picture (if you feel artistically inclined), to me at ToughPigsRyan@yahoo.com. Get it to me by September 12, then look for the best ones to be posted right here on ToughPigs.com. Don't be a procrastinating Muppet! Send your submission today!

Click here to rave about this article on the Tough Pigs forum!

What's the Matter with KIDS These Days?

Seven miles underground, deep below an undisclosed location (okay, okay, it’s an IHOP in Lansing), the ToughPigs’ secret stash of rare Muppety goodness lies, waiting to be found like that crate at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark. In our bunker, you’d find things such as a picture of Frank Oz performing the Jerry Nelson puppet, the lost soundtrack to Johnny Carson and the Muppet Machine, and yes, even the 1975 recording of Fur.

But among the real things we have, one rare goodie is issue #20 of “KIDS,” the only magazine written for kids, by kids. The issue was printed in September of 1973 and cost a shiny $0.85. Which, according to my dad, bought about 9 movies with popcorn for you and your date.

A very brief history of “KIDS”: the magazine was produced as much as possible solely by kids. This included the writing, illustrations, catering, roof tarring, tap dancing, and the like. They even had a 15-year-old editor. One of the young illustrators was Ray Billingsley, who created the comic strip “Curtis.” Co-founder Jeanette Kahn later founded Dynamite Magazine and became publisher of DC Comics. So, while the magazine itself didn’t fare too well in the few years it was around, it spawned some more successful careers.

As you can see from the cover of issue #20 above, this article was written and illustrated by young Newt Gingrich impersonator, Alan Fiore, along with Bernard Thompson (neither with any connection to “Curtis”). It also features Jim Henson’s amazing yellow-flowered-shirt-and-kerchief, as well as the floating face of Jerry Nelson.

The article title asks the eternal question, “Yes, But What’s A Snuffleupagus?” which is not really answered. I think he’s some sort of furry elephant. But elephants wear tutus, so I’m lost again.

Alan and Bernard were lucky enough to visit the set of Sesame Street where they met Jim Henson, Jane Henson, Frank Oz, Jerry Nelson, Richard Hunt, Carroll Spinney (sic), Bonnie Lewis, Carolyn Wilcox, John Lovelady, and Kermit Love. The young journalists only spent a significant amount of time with Jerry, Richard, Frank and Jim, which is nothing to shake a stick at. Or to stick a shake at. Or to end a sentence with a preposition.

The boys got a full description on how SAM the Robot works, which included an electric wheelchair, fire extinguisher, and a very scrunched-up Jerry Nelson. They also watched Jim and Frank film a scene of Bert and Ernie going to bed. There are some beautiful shots of the set included in the article of Bert and Ernie’s beds up on stilts with the puppeteers underneath. Sadly, there’s no indication of which skit they were performing, but I’d like to think it was the eating-cookies-in-bed sketch. And that Alan got to take some cookie crumbs home with him.

Though the pictures are great, Alan and Bernard include some of their own renderings of SAM the Robot, Mr. Snuffleupagus, and how Big Bird works (including Caroll Spinney’s squished head).

I’m sure little Alan and Bernard went home that day with the satisfaction of having made their dreams a reality. And they lay their heads on their Superman pillows, wondering if anyone would believe their story. And then the next day, they’d go on an adventure for a one-eyed pirate’s treasure in order to save the Goon Docks. To quote the article, “It really felt like this was Alan’s birthday present from KIDS because that day was his birthday!!!” Truer words have never been spoken.Click here to discuss this article on the ToughPigs forum, the forum for adults who think they're kids, by adults who think they're kids!

***Special thanks to ToughPigs' own Alaina!

NicheMuppet: A Reminder

Hey, everyone. Have you been enjoying the new season of Sesame Street? More importantly, have you sent me your NicheMuppet submission?

You can see this earlier post for the details, but basically, NicheMuppet is inspired by Abby Cadabby, the rising star on Sesame Street who was designed to appeal to little girls, and it's where you come up with a new Sesame Street Muppet calculated to reach a specific demographic, and send me a description (and a picture, if you're so inclined.) It could be a retired Air Force Muppet, a bobsled racing Muppet, or whatever, as long as it speaks to a particular segment of the potential audience.

Send your new character ideas to me at ToughPigsRyan@yahoo.com. The deadline is September 5. Now if you'll excuse me, Abby is about to turn me into a pumpkin.

Click here to share your excitement about this article on the Tough Pigs forum!

24 Reasons to Watch Season 2

The second season of The Muppet Show has now officially been out on the market for about two weeks. And if you're a decent sort of Muppet fan, you'll have already watched it several times, nitpicked it to death, and cried over all of the scenes with Miss Mousey.

But if you haven't watched the second season yet, you are in luck. I have gone through the trouble of picking out the very best scenes from every episode and prepared them in an easy-to-read format for your enjoyment.

So without further ado-doo-do-do-doo, here are 24 spectacular scenes and riveting reasons to watch The Muppet Show: Season Two.

Episode 1 - Don Knotts

The many faces of Don Knotts!

Episode 2 - Zero Mostel

There is nothing in the world more satisfying than Zero Mostel trying to murder Sam the Eagle with a hammer. Except maybe when he points his gun at Sam, then points it into his own mouth when Sam turns around, while Sam hardly flinches.

Episode 3 - Milton Berle

MAKEUP!

Episode 4 - Rich Little

It's comforting to know that world-famous impersonator Rich Little crashes and burns when he attempts to do the voices of Fozzie, Kermit and Piggy.

It's more comforting to know that Mark Hamill can do a better job at it.

Episode 5 - Judy Collins

Judy Collins' strung-out performance. Note her muffled bewilderment at Crazy Harry's explosion and the sincerity with which she sings a ballad in front of three incredibly creepy clowns.

Episode 6 - Nancy Walker

The biting honesty when Nancy Walker admits to Fozzie that the show is a flop, right after picking up his spirits with a jaunty song. It's like I'm watching an episode of "Rhoda"!

Episode 7 - Edgar Bergen

Charlie McCarthy does nothing but insult the Muppets in any way he can muster, only to be asked to join their motley clan. And how does he thank them? More insults! Thanks, you wooden jackass.

Episode 8 - Steve Martin

Richard Hunt's laugh. Go ahead, try not to think about it. You can't.

Episode 9 - Madeline Kahn

Because Madeline Kahn was once the sexiest, most talented women in entertainment.

Episode 10 - George Burns

Didn't want to dooo ittt...

Episode 11 - Dom DeLuise

Because where else will you find a sci-fi Dom DeLuise playing whack-a-mole with Merdlidops? Other than that one episode of "Studio 60", I mean.

Episode 12 - Bernadette Peters

Because all you really need is for Gloat, Miss Mousey, and Droop to believe in you.

Episode 13 - Rudolph Nureyev

Because Sam the Eagle spends a half hour convincing the Muppets to wear tuxedos, only to feel insulted when Rudolph Nureyev wears one.

Episode 14 - Elton John

Two words: shag carpet.

Episode 15 - Lou Rawls

Because no other show has a blurry Lou Rawls as a guest star.

Episode 16 - Cleo Laine

Because you can pinpoint the exact moment when Cleo Laine's career ended. Here's a two-word hint: Bruce Schwartz.

*EDITED to say that according to ToughPigs contributor David, despite Bruce Schwartz's best efforts, Cleo Laine's career apparently is alive and well. You can read all about it here.

Episode 17 - Julie Andrews

Because Julie Andrews owns a cow.

Episode 18 - Jaye P. Morgan

Because at one point, Jaye P. Morgan's head gets caught on fire.
And then she imitates Dr. Teeth's mouth-open-and-head-nodding-thing-that-Muppets-do-after-a-song-thing.

Episode 19 - Peter Sellers

Because it's the only Muppet Show episode that can possibly get away with a Nazi-esque character.

Episode 20 - Petula Clark

Shameless promotion.

Episode 21 - Bob Hope

Because I been through the desert on a horse with no knees...

Episode 22 - Teresa Brewer

Because Teresa Brewer is a fatty fatty boom batty. Lookit all those treats!

Episode 23 - John Cleese

Because the pirate sketch is the best non-Monty Python sketch ever performed by 1/6 of the troupe.

Episode 24 - Cloris Leachman

Because Cloris Leachman gets booed in the first 15 seconds of the show. By a bunch of vegetables.

And there you have it, folks. 24 episodes, 24 great reasons to buy season 2 on DVD. And if that ain't enough, maybe you should try the H.R. Pufinstuf fan site.

Click here to discuss awkward guest stars and animated gifs on the ToughPigs forum!