Halloween Parade 2008!

There's only one thing I like more than eating my own weight in Milky Ways, and that's dressing up as my favorite Jim Henson creation. Actually, I'm a little too lazy to try and design an accurate Sherlock Hemlock costume, so I might as well live vicariously through the people who bothered to make the costumes themselves.

So without further ado (though I make no promises that there won't be a little ado by the end of this article), I bring you the latest installment of ToughPigs' Halloween Parade!

Don't forget, clicky clicky the pictures to make them biggie biggie.

Here's some group shots of some Muppet Show characters to start us out. Never has there been a better use of papier-mâché. I'm a little surprised at the number of Zoots, though there's always room for more Zoots in the world. Note the bottom left image, which contains Muppet Show guest star Loretta Swit.

Here's a few random Sesame Street characters. I'm shocked, simply shocked, that Bert is hanging out with Rubber Duckie. But my shock has abated after seeing The Count's abacus.Beaker, as always, is a popular character. I wonder if he feels safer in a car with Miss Piggy than in Bunsen's lab. I'd ask Bunsen, but apparently he's busy eating that guy's face.
Super Grover is one of my favorite costume ideas. That first guy makes me want a Super Grover hoodie for myself. And apparently, if I ever own a dog, that's how I'll dress him. Every day.
The Swedish Chef is a simple costume, so I'm always happy when someone goes that extra inch to make it more recognizable than a short-order cook. Like a scruffy moustache, or a baby dressed as a chicken, or hanging out with Zoot.
This is a pretty weak Red costume, but a well-done Gobo! I'd say that the banjo makes the costume, but really it's the yellow shirt and vest. Five seconds after this picture was taken, Gobo and Red started making out.Ah, now this is how to do a Red costume. Pom-pom hair, furry feet, a tail, yellow tights, and GIANT EYEBALLS! I know whenever I think of Red Fraggle, the first things that comes to my mind are eyes that can peer into your very soul.
None of these Cookie Monster costumes are anything to write home about, but the accessories are. A girl dressed as a cookie! A grouchy pal! Being on the equestrian team! Being a dog!Hey, it's Kermit!
Hey, it's Piggy!
Hey, it's Kermit and Piggy!And in case you were wondering what Kermit and Piggy's lovechild would look like...
Those two old guys in the balcony are pretty funny. I'll ask them what their names are once they wake up.
Aw, don't be so sad, Sad Elmo! Cheer up! I know what you need: a good tickle! No? Ok, fine. Be sad, Sad Elmo. See if I care.
Funny, I never thought of the Snowths as being Mahna Mahna's lady groupies, but somehow this picture makes it seem plausible.
Why would someone dress as Lew Zealand? Just for the halibut.
The laziest costumes in the history of history:
Ever wonder what Janice would look like if she was designed by Guillermo Del Toro?
I know I made this joke last year, but I'm constantly surprised when a guy dressed as Gonzo convinces his girlfriend to dress as a chicken. At least she didn't insist on him wearing his chili pepper shirt.

I normally wouldn't post this picture, because they look like Fraggles, but they very well might not be. But that one in the middle is obviously Boober. And maybe you can identify the Fraggles/ravers I couldn't.Those are some pretty rad Gobo and Red costumes, but I've never seen anyone actually dressed as Fraggle Rock! I hope he doesn't accidentally eat any of that insulation though.
So, do you think her head comes off? More importantly, do her pants?
Today was the day when I realized that Dr. Teeth looks like a hobo.
Crazy Harry, on the other hand, has always looked like a hobo.Someone call Wayne Szalinski, we've got a Doozer that needs shrinking.
That's right, it's a Bruno costume. I heard that's how Caroll Spinney came up with the idea.
Jareth from Labyrinth was another popular costume idea. The crystal ball is a nice touch, but the baby Toby is a nicer one.
No Halloween Parade is complete without one Sweetums costume. But just one.No, your eyes are not deceiving you. That is a Rowlf Cerberus costume.
In case you were considering dressing as a Yip-Yip Martian for Halloween next year, it's been done.
Oh, and kids sometimes dress up for Halloween too.
Thus ends the Halloween Parade for this year. Now if you'll excuse me, there's a Butterfinger with my name on it.

Click here to pity Sad Elmo on the ToughPigs forum!

joe.toughpigs@gmail.com

Two Exciting New DVDs, and the Reasons to Complain About Them

On Tuesday, November 4th, two Jim Henson Company DVD releases went on sale: the Fraggle Rock Complete Series Collection and The Christmas Toy, which is on DVD for the first time.

The Fraggle Rock set's release means that all 96 episodes of the series are now available, from Beginnings to Change of Address, with lots of songs and fun and life lessons and Doozers in between.

But here's the thing: If you're like me (and who isn't?), you already bought the first, second and third seasons on DVD as they came out individually. Those are some beautiful collections, with the episodes looking great and a ton of lovely and informative extras, and they were well worth the $40 or so I paid for each one. But as of now, there are no plans to release a fourth season DVD set. So if you want every episode, you have to buy the first three seasons all over again. The list price is $139.98.

Basically, Henson and HIT Entertainment are saying, "Hey there, loyal fans! Thanks a lot for buying those first three seasons on DVD, thus proving that Fraggle Rock is commercially viable. We'd like to reward you by making you pay 140 bucks for three-fourths of a series you already own! We sincerely hope you have lots of fun giving us more of your money!"

Now, it's possible they'll release a season four set in the future, and when they do, I'll stop complaining. But for now I'm going to sit here and kvetch. Oh, and the other thing -- when they first announced the complete series set, the special features touted included a new short starring Red Fraggle, which was pretty exciting news for the fans. But don't look too hard on your DVDs for this extra, 'cause it's not there. Apparently they made the announcement before the short was actually filmed, and whoops, they ran out of time to make it.

Wasn't there a Fraggle episode where Mokey learned why you should never make promises you can't keep? Maybe the Henson people should have watched that one.

As for The Christmas Toy: It's a classic, and I haven't seen it in years, so I'm pretty happy that I'll be able to own it. But that doesn't mean I couldn't be happier.

As soon as we heard that the Jim Henson Company was releasing this special on DVD, we expected that Kermit would be edited out, and sure enough, the frog is nowhere to be seen. I happen to think the whole "Henson can't release any DVDs with Kermit because he's owned by Disney now" thing is really, really stupid. I'm not a lawyer, so I'm willing to accept the possibility that it's easier legally to just leave him out. But if Fox could release Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium on DVD with Kermit's very brief cameo intact, why can't Henson keep Kermit in a special they've owned the rights to since 1986?

But that's not all! According to this review from DVD Talk, the new disc includes no special features, and no menus. No menus! Can you believe that? I mean, it's not like I love and cherish DVD menus. Usually I don't even pay much attention to them. It's just that their absence makes it seem like Henson and HIT didn't even try. To not bother with menus indicates that they didn't put any more effort into this release than any number of those no-name companies that produce the DVDs littering the dollar bins, with names like Murder Explosion and The Man With the Ugly Hat. The Christmas Toy is such a good TV special; it really deserves more.

Maybe I'm sounding ungrateful, but that's a risk I'm willing to take. Come on, guys. We've been good fans and loyal DVD-buying customers. Can't you try just a little bit harder?

Click here to complain about cool DVDs on the Tough Pigs forum!

ToughPigsRyan@yahoo.com

President Ernie!

With an outstanding 61% of the vote, Ernie has been elected President! Thanks to the great voter turnout at the ToughPigs forum, President Elect Ernie, along with his running mate Bert, will soon be moving from Sesame Street to Pennsylvania Avenue.

Gobo and Red Fraggle received 32% of the vote, and conceded the election to Ernie from his home in Fraggle Rock. He will continue to serve as Explorer for the Rock until his term is up.

There were, however, several write-in votes, including one for Mr. Scrooge (because he is "rude and badly dressed," according to one voter). Another vote was tallied for Kermit the Frog. As confessed "Joe the Plumber" Nia put it, "I've decided to cast my vote for the only amphibian whom I've ever had complete and total faith in. I'd stand behind this frog until the end. I know him to be a natural born leader who never hesitates to accept the responsibility of command. He rallies the masses and gets the job done. And so, while many will accuse me of tossing my ballot, I see no other option but to vote Kermit The Frog for Commander in Chief of the next 8 years .... at least."

Is this country ready for a frog in the White House? Maybe we'll find out in 2012!

Click here to discuss this Article Elect on the ToughPigs forum!

joe.toughpigs@gmail.com

News and Other Goings-on 11/2/08

Look, it's another collection of links to all the Muppety-type stuff that's been going on this week!

Ernie/Bert or Gobo/Red?
Don't forget to vote in the Tough Pigs presidential election!

Fran Brill in Orlando!

Muppeteer Fran Brill will be appearing in Orlando on Sunday, November 9th at an event called "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Sesame Street But Didn't Know Who To Ask." She'll speak, take questions and sign autographs, and Zoe will be tagging along.

It's Hard Out Here for a Shrimp
Pepe's new book is out. Buy it and read it, or eat it with some cocktail sauce.

Pajanimals
Are they half-pajama, half-animal hybrids? Whatever they are, they're the stars of the Jim Henson Company's new preschool series on the Sprout network, which debuted on Sunday, November 2nd. The characters look like stuffed animals, which is appropriate, as the show is designed to convince kids that going to bed is fun.

Elmo Live: What's Inside?
Digital Journal took apart an Elmo Live doll to see what makes him giggle.

Animal caught speeding in Germany
Here's a story that took the news blog world by storm this week. A clever British driver has been tearing around Germany, foiling attempts to catch him by sticking an Animal doll in the passenger seat, so only the Muppet shows up in the surveillance photos.


Click here to talk about all this stuff on the Tough Pigs forum!

ToughPigsRyan@yahoo.com

Ernie: The Crumby Choice

First, let me say thank you to ToughPigs.com for hosting this debate, and thank you to Mr. Strand for having the courtesy to attend. While I respect Mr. Strand’s arguments of the benefits to an Ernie/Bert Presidency, I cannot sit idly by while American voters are being swayed by two young men with a history of trickery, blatant deceit, and a track record of illegal activity. Aside from the fact that Gobo Fraggle would make a brilliant President, Ernie has proven to the American public time and time again that he can’t even be trusted with a plate of cookies, let alone the national budget.

Ernie’s, for the lack of a better word, “jerkitude” has been well documented. Generally, Ernie’s jerk-like tendencies have been directed at his roommate, better known as his running mate, Bert. The candidate from Sesame Street has reportedly convinced his running mate to say that he “8 the sandbox,” to talk to elephants on a banana, and to be chased by four-eyed monsters. Ernie has woken Bert up from deep sleeps to be reminded to take a nap, to play his radio, to tell him that the room has gone quiet, to count sheep, to count fire engines, to count balloons, to play his drums, and to invite a team of sheep into their bedroom for a musical number.

Ernie has posed as a doctor to examine Bert on several occasions without receiving a medical degree. He has gotten Bert kicked out of movie theaters after he himself made too much noise. He has lured Bert into playing games and singing songs, only to cruelly quit once Bert starts to enjoy himself. He has flooded their apartment more than once, put a fish in Bert’s cowboy hat, eaten Bert’s share of pizza, eaten Bert’s share of licorice, eaten Bert’s share of cookies, and eaten Bert’s share of cherries (nature’s gumdrop).

If this is the way he treats his best friend and running mate, how will he treat the American public? Do you really want a President who will get cookie crumbs in your bed?

His running mate, Bert is hardly worthy of the White House himself. According to sources, he can’t even beat a pigeon at a simple game of checkers. He has a history of cross-dressing, not just in the privacy of his own home, but also on stage in front of an audience (while Gobo and Red support alternate lifestyles, a lifestyle like Bert’s should not be kept a secret from his constituents). Perhaps most importantly, Bert serves as the president of a secret organization dedicated to the love of W, of which Ernie is also a member. W has given us eight years of difficulties, including economic crisis and war, and Bert is not only a supporter of W’s administration but a dues-paying member!Ernie has a history of waffling. In 1969, he declared that his favorite number was 2. Immediately after, he changed his mind and announced that his favorite number was 7. Just a few years later, he stated that his favorite number is 8,243,721. Can we afford to elect a President who chooses favorite numbers so willy-nilly? Why, I feel dirty just pluralizing the term “favorite numbers.”

Ernie has also been seen fraternizing with a man only known as “Lefty.” This man is guilty of grand larceny (for stealing the golden AN), alphabet trafficking, and conspiracy. We have film footage of Ernie buying certain letters of the alphabet from Lefty, as well as empty boxes, city property (such as stop signs), and invisible desserts. Who knows what other sorts of illegal dealings with which Ernie has involved himself. And that’s not to mention his perception of the value of a nickel.

Public planning is not one of Ernie’s strong suits. In one notable example, he double-booked his own bathroom for both Bert’s bath and a street-wide sing-along session. When confronted with this issue, Ernie blatantly ignored the pleas of his helpless running mate and commenced with the singing and public embarrassment.

According to paleontologists, Ernie and Bert have lived since the time of cavemen. That would make them thousands of years old. Are they too old to be able to relate to the common American man or woman? Are they out of touch with the needs of 99% of the country? In a word: Yes. In two words: Yes Yes.

It is our duty as Americans to choose the best candidate for the Presidency, and the best person in this race is an easy choice: Gobo Fraggle. Between Ernie’s sharing issues and his utter disregard for his fellow man, he would prove to be an incompetent world leader. But where his flaws start, Gobo’s strengths begin. Just look at his bond with his fellow Fraggles for proof. While Ernie can’t manage to share one stick of licorice, the Fraggle share their dreams. While Ernie plays cruel, pointless tricks on his buddy Bert, Gobo often leads his friends out of dangerous situations and back to the comfort of the Rock. We deserve a President who will lead us home, and that man is a Fraggle.Special thanks go out to Anthony Strand, who did just as much work on the ToughPigs election special as I did!

Head on over to the ToughPigs forum to cast your vote for the candidate you think would make the best President! Polls close at 9pm EST on November 4th! And be sure to vote in the for-real election on the same day!

Click here to talk trash about the guy who taught you the alphabet on the ToughPigs forum!

joe.toughpigs@gmail.com

Gobo? NO!

My esteemed colleague, Mr. J. M. Hennes, argued earlier this week in favor of a Gobo Fraggle Presidency. He worked hard to paint Gobo as someone who will strengthen the United States and extend a radish leaf of peace to all the nations of the world. It’s a commendable thought, and I certainly respect Joe’s right to feel that way. But the truth of the matter is this – Gobo Fraggle is completely unfit for the job of President.

Now, I could go down the expected path and paint Fraggle society as Socialistic. I could even make an unfair comparison between the name of Gobo’s running mate and the symbolic color of Communism, as seen in ugly propaganda like this:


But I’m not that person. There are many things about Fraggle culture that I admire and respect. I think one day this country would do very well to elect a Fraggle as President. But today is not that day, and Gobo is not that Fraggle. Simply put, the man is selfish and full of himself. He has frequently boasted of his self-reliance and the uselessness of relying on others. “I knew I was good,” he says proudly, with an egotistical grin.

His running mate isn’t much better, proclaiming for all to hear that, “All I need is me, me, me!” She has also shown a fool-hardy obliviousness to the achievements of others. When the Minstrels made their first appearance in Fraggle Rock, she cared only that she was the first one in the pool. Are these the type of people you want running your nation? People who put themselves first and have, in the past, bickered between themselves over who is “the leader”?

I don’t mean to dwell on Red Fraggle’s character, but she has shown an unfortunate willingness in the past to change her personality in order to win the affection of others. Ernie’s running mate, on the other hand, is very proud of being square, and wouldn’t change who he is for any reason.

I’d like to talk for a moment about Mr. Hennes’ specific claims. He mentioned the Last of the Lily Creatures in his pitch. Red’s treatment of that very important animal shows exactly how she and Gobo will treat the rest of this country. She promised she would come back to look after him, but the record shows that she never, ever did.

Mr. Hennes also stated that Gobo would end reliance on foreign radishes. Yet when has Gobo ever attempted to start a radish farm? His entire life has been spent stealing them from the Gorgs or, in the form of Doozer sticks, the Doozers. The Gobo/Red platform is built on empty promises, and there’s no indication that this will change in the future.

His claims that Gobo has a solid track record on foreign policy are simply ridiculous. Gobo spent years treating Doozers like scum and cowering in irrational fear of the Gorgs. A sudden change of heart at the end doesn’t erase that. He has also never taken a clear stand on the environment, switching back and forth between positions based on what his close advisor Convincing John told him to do. This long-standing ignorance is frightening, and sure to be repeated during his Presidency.

Convincing John, of course, is hardly the worst of Gobo’s advisors. Mr. Hennes very proudly stresses Gobo’s connection to his uncle, “Traveling” Matt Fraggle, calling him a capable explorer. Surely even Gobo’s most ardent supporters can see that the man is an embarrassment, a loose cannon and a huge albatross around the campaign’s neck. He thinks chewing gum makes your tongue explode. I can’t stress that enough.

Even some within Gobo’s own ticket have spoken out against Matt. Before the campaign started, Red frequently spoke out against him and refused to listen to his gibberish letters from “outer space.” She teased Gobo about the connection, saying “You’re as crazy as your uncle Matt.” What if he is? Are the American people willing to take that risk?

As I mentioned, Gobo genuinely believes that his uncle Matt is exploring outer space. In fact, he is exploring the Earth. Gobo Fraggle cannot tell the difference between:

Outer Space

And the Earth

Think about that.

Now, Gobo Fraggle is certainly an appealing figure. He’s youthful, he’s enthusiastic, and he has big plans. It’s easy to be tempted to vote for him after his rousing speeches and memorable songs. But at heart, Gobo Fraggle will always put Gobo Fraggle first. We need a President who’ll put the American people first, and Ernie is it.

Seriously, though, I’d like to thank our own Joe Hennes for making all of the photoshopped images for this series of articles. That’s all Joe, folks. I tip my hat to him.

He'll be back tomorrow with some preposterous anti-Ernie slander.

Click here to cower in fear of the Gorgs on the Tough Pigs Forum.

Ernie/Bert '08

Yesterday, Joe posted his arguments in favor of a Gobo Fraggle Presidency. On Thursday and Friday of this week, we will refute each other's statements. Be sure to come back for that.

Ernie. He knows how to dream big. The most remarkable thoughts he thinks have a way of being true. Ernie is the only candidate in this race who can mold reality to his will. Now he’s ready to take that large imagination and dedicate it to the United States of America. With his running mate Bert, he’ll do whatever it takes to lead this country into a bright and shining new era.

Ernie is a man of conviction. He can’t imagine anyone he’d rather be other than Ernie, and he’s known for seeing his plans through to the end, even if those around him can’t immediately see the value in his actions. He’s no self-absorbed fanatic, however. When he has to, Ernie is more than willing to put down the Duckie in favor of serving the greater good. As President, he’ll do what’s best for the people of the United States, not what’s best for himself. By the hilarious musical sting at the end of his first four years, he’ll have carried out big plans on these issues and more:

The Economy

Ernie hails from Sesame Street, and he knows how to cut government spending. He and Bert have shared an apartment for nearly forty years, and they haven’t spent a dime – not on food, not on utilities, and certainly not on earmarks. Also, both Ernie and his running mate have experience in helping workers see the value in their jobs. Ernie, during his stint as Old King Cole, showed his fiddlers three how to form a trio and Bert taught sheep how blankets are made. They’ll continue this commitment to the American worker from the White House.

Education

Education is not even an issue in this campaign, because my candidates are so far ahead of the other platform. They have a collective 78 years of experience in early childhood education, having dealt with subjects ranging from sharing to counting to keeping your room clean. Even with their decades of experience, they aren’t senile or out-of-touch. They’re veterans, but they’re as youthful – and as eager to help the children of America – today as they were in 1969.

The Environment

Ernie is an avid gardener, and he and Bert have spent time on America’s farms, even briefly running one of their own. VP candidate Bert has shown a remarkable vigilance in aiding our feathered friends over the years, even teaching one special bird how to play checkers. They will ensure that our precious natural resources – both our flora and our fauna – get the love and attention they so richly deserve.

Foreign Policy

Ernie and Bert have real, tangible international experience. In their careers, they have adapted to dozens of different cultures – Egypt, The Netherlands, and Brazil, to name only a few. They’ve not only visited, they’ve taken the time to learn local language and customs fluently. This international focus doesn’t mean they’re light on homeland security. Ernie defeated a dragon – the ultimate terrorist – just by saying “Mr. Dragon, you better behave.” And the dragon was so scared of him that it ran away, and the Kingdom was free. Ernie’s simple, decisive tactics will keep this nation safe.

Health Care

Ernie has a unique solution to the current health care situation – instead of relying on insurance companies, the American people should learn to take better care of themselves and each other. He demonstrated how to care for a sick friend when Bert came down with a cold, and he taught Cookie Monster how to eat a healthy breakfast. We don’t need to wait until after something bad has happened, he says. We can prevent it from ever happening in the first place. With the help of President Ernie, we can get free of the suffocating gasp of insurance and breathe freely.

Immigration

As you may expect from a man with his experience in world travels, Ernie welcomes immigrants to Sesame Street, and he’d do the same for the nation at large. For decades, he has allowed a thriving community of Twiddlebugs to reside in his window sill. They live independently, according to their own cultural customs, but they enjoy all the rights and freedoms of any other Sesame Street resident. He’ll take your tired, your poor, your Twiddled masses, and welcome them with open arms.

Space Travel

As he has stated many times, Ernie would like to visit the moon on a rocketship high in the air. Outer space – the real outer space, not his opponent’s cockamamie name for the Earth – is this nation’s future, and Ernie knows it. He knows that commercial space travel is the next logical step in this country’s development, and he won’t stop until someone like himself with no formal training can easily take that trip.

Ernie. He’ll spend all day developing innovative ways to attack this nation’s problems head-on, and he’ll keep his vice president up all night if that’s what it takes to see them through to completion. Can we afford anything less?

Click here to imagine an Ernie presidency on the Tough Pigs Forum.